Cambridge here we are

I'm going to a school in Boston.
I'm going to the Kennedy school.
We're moving to Cambridge, MA.
Why can't I just say it? I'm a mom and will turn 40 in a few months. I'm going to Harvard.

The last few months have been such a whirlwind trying to rent out our house, find a house in Cambridge (more on that later), pack all of our belongings, find a new preschool, say good-bye to our beloved community, uh, what was I thinking? People kept telling me how they could never do it. I didn't understand what they meant until the last few weeks...yes, insanity was sinking in.

I can't believe we made it here. Today, I was walking in Harvard yard - ok, this is going to be too cliche, but here goes, and I just started crying. I was so happy. Not because I was at Harvard (just had to throw that name out there again) but because I was out all day doing tasks to prepare for classes to start and Chris was taking care of the kids, and I was "allowed" to do these things that make me so fulfilled. I'm having trouble articulating the monumental shift in our lives as I switch from being a workathome mom to a fulltime student while Chris becomes the stay at home parent. Or is he a workathome dad? Anyway, it just felt so liberating to enrich my life after spending the last 4 years primarily nurturing my kids. Ok, that sounds too Hallmark'y - I'm taking care of myself and not just my kidlets. Is that any better?

Ok, but what was I really doing today? I "practiced" walking to the Kennedy School - ok, that sounds lame to write it....check out some stats, algebra and calculus books at the bookstore - what? $100 for a used book?...do more practice problems while sitting in a cafe. Even waiting in line for a bagel and a soychai, I felt like wow, that took almost 5 minutes - hmm...this would be so stressful if I tried to do this with my two kids. It felt so decadent to stand there and do nothing in line. I then did some errands, checked out laptops at the Harvard computer center (I gotta stop my shtick of saying how old I am - I keep describing this program as one geared toward old fogies like me since I turn 40 this year.)

When I came home later this afternoon, it just felt so wonderful to hang out with my kids while feeling so refreshed. Ok, ok, I know my tune will change in the midst of writing my first paper. I will want back thoselong days with the kids while killing time til Chris came home to relieve me. Really, I love going to the park again...yes, let's build another lego truck. But I was pretty miserable and depressed, even with incredible community support, while being a wham. We'll see, though, how this goes...