Ama

"I want ama!" Liam cried as I walked in the door tonight from being at school for orientation.

"Ama, Ama, Ama" cried Kalian as she saw me pick up Liam, who was in tears. He had been a little sick that day, so I focused on him. I usually say hi to both of them with a kiss as I walk in the door, but I pick up Kalian, so I can breastfeed her, but Liam's needs seemed more urgent.

That just sent Kalian through the roof, though - to have me keep the comfy breastmilk away from her. I took Liam into our bedroom to lay down with him. He was feverish, and he wanted to hold ama, which I let him do for comfort, ever since I weened him, though I want to ween him from that some time this year.

Kalian kept screaming, "Ama, Ama, Ama," so when she toddled into the bedroom I picked her up and brought her onto the bed. Liam was not too happy with that, especially as Kalian craweled toward one of the Amas. "I want two amas!" cried Liam and kept a firm grip on both, but with Kalian now red with rage and frustration, I gently removed one of Liam's hands and allowed Kalian to start breastfeeding. But I had to do this lying on my back, with Liam on his side holding one, and Kalian lying on top of me, as if I were a pig trough. Liam then wanted me to read him a book, so I somehow managed to read a book in the process.

I have a whole new level of respect for parents who work away from home. Those crucial few moments walking in the door are the most transition time from "work/study" to "family." Today, Harvard had their farmer's market, so I stopped to pick up a few necessities - and not so necessary chocolate chip cookies. Then, Chris called to ask if I'd stop at Savenor's to pick up some olive oil. I felt like I was somehow providing for my family and helping out domestically by buying these few things, but I also felt guilty for "using" this time that I was somehow taking away from Chris by my not being home to relieve him of his kid duty. I also find myself, getting organized before walking in the door. I also feel guilty about taking those 15 seconds to put my bags down, take off my shoes, etc., so I try to organize that before coming in the door. Whatever happened to being met at the door with the newspaper and a drink? Ah, the good old days.

Now, instead of a drink for me, I just let my kids suck me dry.