op-ed on mommies - yes, it's gender, stupid

The following is a letter I wrote to the school newspaper about an article on the challenges that student parents face - especially around the high cost of childcare.

Dear Editor,

When I saw the front page article, “Student parents at KSG criticize lack of support,” I was as excited as my toddler gets when I let her use my laptop. What was not emphasized in the piece, though, was how this is primarily gender discrimination. Last fall, when I was acclimating to being in school full-time after being a work-at-home mom, a Kennedy School administrator advised me not to "advertise" the fact that I have kids. No, this didn’t come from a sexist old guy – she was a mother herself, who had internalized the documented discrimination that moms face on the job. Nonetheless, it was dreadful advice. Mothers are forced to choose between being “out of the closet” mommies or denying that part of our identity to survive in a non-family friendly professional environment. When I asked her what the Kennedy School does to support parents, she paused, as if searching, and then proclaimed that there was a highchair donated for use in the forum. Hardly a drop in the diaper bucket.

The story also raises the question of why we should make special accommodations to parents. What about everyone else who struggles with personal and financial challenges? This is not about everyone else. This is about women. The school should make sure that has everyone can attend, rather than ignoring the racial, class and, yes, gender inequality. On top of our breeding and breastfeeding acumen, we still do most of the childrearing. Next fall I’ll begin a doctoral program at the University of California at Berkeley. One of the key factors in my decision to enroll there was their mommy friendly policies and support. How many women do not come, or even apply to KSG because of the absence of support. Is this one of the reasons why the Mid-Career program is only 1/3 women? As one MPP told me recently, the school is missing out on the input of all of those mothers who are not here.

We also have less opportunity to develop social networks with classmates and visitors to the same degree as our parent-less cohorts. Most happy hour and evening events are during the bewitching hour(s) for parents – childcare pickup, dinner, baths, and bedtime stories. I have fantasies of bringing my 4 year old son, Liam, and my 22-month-old daughter to an evening forum event. I would breastfeed Kalian in the front row in front of some bigwig. Liam would be melting down and start screaming for dinner. Then, I would unleash my toddler to run up and down the aisles and onto the stage. Protests like this at Harvard in the 1970s generated day care centers. Is this what it will take to further close the gender gap?