George Washington Wears Diapers

Yesterday, I was sitting in a lecture on the U.S. Political System by Professor and Political Strategist David King. It was a session designed for the International students but Amerikans were also encouraged to come for an entertaining section on the formation of our Republic. I was enthralled with King's take on the founders' more libertarian framing, as well as the resulting 511,000 elected officials in our country, when I felt my cell phone buzz.

It was Chris. Should I stay or go? I decided to respond. What if Kalian had bumped her head or Liam had really hurt himself?

"Where are the wipes?" asked Chris when I called back. My first internal reaction was, you got me out of this lecture for the quest of a material to wipe our kids' bums? But them I laughed. I totally understood the urgency in his voice. When you're trying to change a messy diaper for one kid and the other kid just doo-doo'd all over the floor, it is, indeed, cataclysmic. But I wasn't laughing at him, but rather myself. When Chris was working full-time and I was mostly home with the kids, it was more often than not that Chris received a desperate phone call from me. "I'm having a rotte day, could you come home early?" So I totally understood when I offered to pick up some wipes on the way home when Chris said, "No, please just come straight home." Yep, it's luxurious to go solo shopping for diaper supplies when you're a parent.

Yet I also feel like I'm in such a different world right now. Part of me was actually irritated with his call. The role reversal is still sinking in.

A few months ago when we were still in the Bay Area, some friends had us over for a farewell dinner. We were having a great time. Then, Chris said that he was charting new territory in our family by watching both kids at the same time and full-time. Chris had stayed home for three months after Kalian's birth. When he returned to work, Liam started preschool part-time. So, in his definition, I had never done what he was about to embark on in Cambridge. However, given that I had birthed both of our children and stayed home with them for the last 4 years, I was furious. We started arguing in front of our friends. I later apologized to them because Chris and I just couldn't let up. Ultimately, though, I felt dissed. I think I just wanted him to honor all that I had done for our children and our family, and it felt like he was making it out that he was doing something incredibly noble. Of course, he is doing something incredibly noble, but this just brings up so many issues for me...

-Why is it that a man taking care of kids is seen as so special and wonderful and unique but a mother doing it is expected and not worthy of applause (see previous posting).

-Gosh, I took the kids to a music together class this morning while Chris went to the gym. We didn't have classes, and boy, was it hard to get both kidlets out of the house. Yes, it is incredible what he's doing.

-He has no community here to support him - friends to call on for support. I did have that.

-Why do we even have to compare who's doing more or less? We are both workin' hard at this parenting thing.

-And because lists are always best with an odd number (except for 10) - Chris is definitely the odd "man" out at the K school family outings - it's him and all of the military wives. Chew on that one.