Mommy, I need you

...said Liam as I tried to leave today to go to the library and study. Then, he wanted to know if he could come with me. It broke my heart. He was originally mr. total attachment to me and then all of last year when I'd go to pick up him up at preschool, he'd say, "Mommy, go away." - partially, I think, b/c he wanted to stay and have snack. But the guilt right now with Chris' sense of humor (imitating sticking a knife in my chest and turning it) is making me question even more if I want to go to grad school next year. It's just clear that Liam needs a lot of support.

So I stayed awhile longer, gave him hugs and snuggles - which he usually isn't as into. Of course, this was after Kalian wanted to breastfeed, too. I then got him dressed 'cuz Chris was going to take them out shopping, and I was going to leave again, and Liam said (this is all repeatedly in a sweet, non-whiny voice), mommy, I want to go to the library and study with you. So tough! So then I tried to explain to him that the library I go to doesn't have any kids or any pictures in the book, and he would be really bored. It somehow sunk in, and he passively "let" me go...

I did manage to go to yoga this morning for the first time in a few weeks - at least to the studio. The teacher, Scott, whom I overall like, had a few assistants who yet again tried to get me to move my feet and I'm so arrogant and un-cooperative, that I asked, "Why?" Yet, again, a lame answer of so that I could put my heels down...maybe that's what I need - a little more grounding nad a little less ego and analyzing during the practice of how to let Scott and his assistant that I am a teacher with lots of experience....

My quant professor - the amazing woman who has written tons of books and math teaching conferences all over the world - had me over for tea yesterday so she could help me study - nothing like my own personal tutor - her rates are high, I'm sure, but so is my tuition! Talked to her about Liam's stuff, gender differences in math learning (she said chicks - my words not hers - learn better when they have a pictoral image)...