My New Parenting Advice - Bribery

Well, Chris and I have been wringing our hands trying to figure out the best way to get Liam to poop in the potty. I know, I know, we should wait for him to be ready and not push him - blah blah blah, but we were both sick of the diaper changes and knew he was ready. Plus, after learning more about elimination communication with Kalian - I am convinced that the "wait for the kid" to be ready to go is ridiculous when we compare it with every other function we teach kids - i.e. sitting while eating, dressing themselves, etc. etc. So we tried the very wonderful attachment parenting technique of chocolate and video bribes for the last 4-5 months with no luck. Our only success was getting him to at least do it in the bathroom.

Of course, we tried talking to him about why he didn't want to - he was scared, of course (cuz, duh, we taught him that it was safe to poop in a diaper - unlike Kalian who has pretty much only been pooping in the potty since she was 3 months old). He was scared of bugs and worms in the pipes, he would often say. So we would try "talk therapy" - whatever that means for a 4 year old - no luck.

Finally, I rememberd something I had read on the Burning Mom's yahoogroup last year. At the same time, Chris and I decided we'd tell Liam we were going to start to poop in the potty in 10 days and we started doing a countdown about two weeks or so ago. He was fine with it until yesterday - when I told him that we were going to go to Stella Bella (toy store in our 'hood) to pick out a "poop in the potty toy" - which of course got translated into "poop toy." Initially, he had been excited to walk down to the toy store, which is a large entertaining independent store with plenty of hands on fun for kids. But as soon as I connected this outing with pooping in the potty the next day, he didn't want to go anymore (understandable). Finally, we bundled everyone up (it's still below freezing here), threw Kalian in the stroller and Liam jumped on his bike and off we went. After a detour at the drug store (which I stupidly let Liam attempt to also pick out chocolate that he would get once he pooped in the potty - stores, packaging and consumerism really suck - it was a vortex that Kalian participated in, too. We have been lucky so far to have avoided any candy/food begging in stores - I'm afraid I just put us over the edge).

Anyway, when we were at the store, Chris and I tried to figure out how to let Liam pick out a toy but also get him to understand that he couldn't play with it until he pooped in the potty. Liam wanted a scooter but 1. it was $70 and 2. neither of us thought that in the moment of deciding whether to beg for a diaper or jump onto the potty that it would have as much sway as more of a "toy." I initially offered that I thought it should be something we would want him to have anyway - i.e. ed'l - whatever that means, especially since I don't think we have ever bought him a toy, except for a matchbox car as another bribe for airplane rides. But then I realized, what is our goal? Who cares what the toy is. Finally, we both agreed that given his fascination with helicoptors, firefighers and Legos that a Lego Rescue Helicopter was the perfect bribe. He seemed to take the bait at the store, and on the way home asked all sorts of questions about how and when he could have it. Could he just hold it? Carry it? Look at it? When we got home, I enticingly displayed it onto the mantle, so he would have to see it all of the time but couldn't quite get to it (without a lot of loud effort on the part of chair dragging that we could catch in time).

He tried a few times last night to sit on the potty and poop - not out of bodily necessity but to get his hands on the chopper. This morning to encourage him, I fed him lots of dried cranberries and fruit. After Chris took the kids to the Art Museum today, he reported that Liam tried all afternoon to poop. He also tried a few tactics with me. "Mommy, did you poop on the potty?" "Yes" "Well, you can open up the helicopter then." Uh, nice try, my son.

After dinner tonight, he asked for a diaper (good sign that it's for real) and I sat with him for a long time while he tried to poop. I let him hold the box. We read books for awhile, but then he really wanted me to tell him stories about the helicopter. On the box, there are rescuers and a rescue-ee. I was happy to tell him stories and make them all women. He tried squatting on the toilet, which is actually great for the body, so I really hate that our society encourages such an unhealthy way to eliminate, but, alas. At one point, he asked for a diaper, but I encouraged him to keep trying. No luck, so I told him he could try later, and I put the chopper back on the mantle.

After playing for a bit. He said he had to go to the bathroom. I could tell by looking at him that he really meant it this time, so I grabbed the box and held it while he got onto the toilet seat to squat. He took the box from me and for the first time ever (intentionally - he's pooped a bit before on the potty while peeing - accidentally) Liam O'Brien Schradie pooped on the potty - now that, indeed, is better than any stupid Harvard grade - but when he finished, he looked down into the toilet and said, "Mommy, my poop is all broken up, could you fix it and put it back together?" Fortunately, he wasn't too distraught at this sighting b/c I called in Chris who also offered him hearty congratulations, and he excitedly ran into the living room, so we could start to open up the box. As we were doing it, though, our 99% potty trained 20 month old (thank god for elimination communication) walked in with dripping legs and pointed and said, "pee pee" - guess she wanted some of the attention, as well.

Chris spent the next hour putting together a very complicated and fragile helicopter that, of course, ended up falling apart repeatedly, and Liam asking again and again to put it back together. Now, why didn't we get the scooter?