Moral Mother Leadership

On Monday, Chris went to a business journalism conference at Northeastern. I was excited to "let" him do something stimulating and meaningful for him and try to juggle a class I had in the morning and the afternoon. Fortunately (?), Liam didn't have his 8am OT, so what turned out to still be a chaotic day was less so. After Kalian and I dropped off Liam at Cambridge Ellis, I took her over to Co-op. I hate to admit it, but this is the first time I have ever done so - Chris has been the uber-Dad this year. Then, I rushed over to the Kennedy school to make my class. Hmmm...metered parking usually only lasts an hour or two, and I would just miss this timeframe - plus, I couldn't find any, so I had to park in the lot that charges $19 for just 2.5 hours. Rats. After my class, I had a meeting in in Littauer with an admin person about student parenting issues. She's trying to come up with web resources - and theoretically other resources for parents - she's very well intentioned, but I'm not convinced she has the full backing of the school. I unloaded all of my complaints onto her about the lack of subsidized childcare, parents not knowing about the discriminatory anti-lead laws, identity issues, and the general lack of support and acknowledgement. But I couldn't stay long to talk to much because I had to rush back to pick up Kalian.

On such a gorgeous day, everyone was outside enjoying the sun while I walked back through the courtyard, but that meant having to avoid conversations with friends that I'd like to have. I drove back to Davis Square - trying to find this barbeque restaurant that Lisa, a co-op mom, had Kalian and her daughter, Charlotte, were eating lunch. After driving in circles I finally found the place 15 minutes late. Fortunately, the kids were still eating, so I ordered catfish to go - it took awhile, but it was such a fun place, and I really liked Lisa, that I would have liked to hang out, but I had to throw the K-train into the car so that she would get a decent nap en route to Liam's sports class. Being thankful for both the map and Chris' directions, I wound my way through Somerville and Kalian fell asleep right away. When I arrived at the class (Liam's classmate's mom, Tammy, had brought them there - thank god!) I was able to let Kalian sleep a bit while I ate lunch and tried to read up for my 4pm class. Then, I had to wake her up to go into the LittleGym - I wasn't sure what time the class ended exactly - that's one wierd thing about this year - not being on top of all of the details of what my kids do.

I walked in and started chatting with Tammy and then realized that I couldn't see Liam. Had I messed up somehow? Was Liam stranded somewhere? Had I forgotten how to do the mom juggle? Then, another mom said, he's right there. Liam had opted out of participating for awhile by propping up his legs right below the window where parents can look in, so I couldn't see him unless I peered down the window. Sigh. This is a whole other issue - Liam has been having a really tough time this past week with his sensory stuff - when this happens, he's less interested in participating. I encourage him back inside where he walks on the balance beam and I notice some stress in his shoulders - ack! at 4! Anyway, I finally manage to throw both of the kids in the car and head back home where Chris is waiting for us. By the time, I bring in the kids and pass Chris the kid-update baton, I have to rush out the door.

I have only 15 minutes to do a 20 minute walk, so I try to jog a little and make it just in time to my class on moral leadership. During this last class, we all have to talk about our identity and what our current leadership challenge is, a choice we are called upon to make, and a source of hope upon which we can draw in making this choice. This is what I said:

My leadership challenge is about identity. Four years ago, I would describe myself as an activist and a filmmaker. Then, I started making babies (everyone laughed - I didn't realize this was so funny...), and I was surrounded by supportive homebirthin' Berkeley moms. And when I came here, I was told by an administrator not to advertise the fact that I have kids, so my choice is not only how to balance all of these parts of myself, but also to choose how "out" I'm going to be about motherhood. My source of hope comes from other activist, academic moms.

Well, on Monday I got a taste of what it will be next year when I don't have a wife at home with the kids. Any volunteers?