Calgon, Calgon

Take me away. I have a piercing headache, and my new mechanical pencils just died. Is that a sign that I should just go home and call it quits? I'm a little afraid of stepping outside since it's supposed to be 100 degrees out there. Hope the kids haven't melted today.

Yahoo for testing out of having to take quant and econ today - but it just made the start of my day later. Last night I wanted to start writing a paper that was due. Instead, I went into finish putting Liam to bed, so Chris could go grocery shopping, and I fell asleep with him. I woke up at 5am with Kalian. I then drove over to Back Bay (or is it the Back Bay) to go to a mysore class. It took me forever to find a parking space. The practice was fine, though since it's self-led, I kept re-evaluating whether or not I should do more poses or go back sooner so I could spend more time with the kids. As I was once again attempting "kapotasana" - the mother of all poses, so to speak, the very sweet but very young teacher came over (again in this pose) and asked me how far I usually get (i.e. can you usaually bend backwards while bearing weight on your shins and grab your ankles) - I told her I could 5 years ago, but after having two kids and a shoulder injury that I couldn't do it now. It was said all in fun, and she laughed, but once again I felt like I had to justify my inability to do something. In general, I'm worried that I'll exploit the existence of my children for excuses - sorry, professor, my toddler ate my homework.

I practiced for about an hour and then attempted to drive home. Even at 8am, the traffic was horrible, so I was out of the house for over 2 hours for such a short practice. Not quite worth the effort, given how much I feel the time crunch every day. When I got back, Chris was understandably frustrated over Liam unrelentlessly (is that a word?) pummeling his sister. Not sure how to do the positive or not so positive discipline on that one. I ate a quick breakfast and tried to hang out with the kids, but it didn't feel very "quality" like in the timing. Chris tried to nap in the kids room since that's the one air conditioned room in the apt. When he asked me what time my classes start, I reminded him that I didn't have any classes that afternoon but that I had to write a paper. I told him that I needed to take a shower and head out. He wanted to know why I needed to take a shower. I thought the comment was snarky, but he said it was b/c he was curious why I needed to take a shower to write a paper. Hmmm....why did I? I'm actually enjoying making myself presentable on a regular basis after doing the wham/sahm thing where showers were a 2x/week luxury. I guess I'm always trying to impress people a little too much or maybe I just want to take care of myself for once, and I have the opportunity. Well, I told him I did have a class later on. So, it's ok if I take a shower if I'm going to a class? Of course, after my shower, I had a tough time deciding what to wear. Given the weather, I chose shorts, but was the tank top to go with it too casual? I changed shirts a few times before settling on a sleeveless black top. Why do I care? Why do I think you'll care? I want to present this hip mama persona, somehow....

So when I got to the K school about 10am I sat down to write my paper - in about two hours, ate my lunch at a table full of army and biz school dudes. I guess I'm trying to get to know the enemy - of course, everyone is quite nice, though.

Then went to my writing class where we critiqued each others' papers. Good excercise, though the army guy from Florida, was very complimentary, except for calling the U.S. imperialist - though he was joking in his tone. My other critiquer was a woman from Reno, who is a journalist and left her 3 year old with her husband for a year. I feel guilty leaving my kids for 8 hours every day - it's hard to fathom that - but, of course, it also sounds incredibly appealing, too. After the class, they and another guy asked me if I wanted to go out for a beer? huh? I gotta do work and go home. What do you have to do, they asked?