test results

argh!!!

My test felt quite easy yesterday - despite my tummy troubles. I was so lucky. I had meant to get up early Tuesday morning and review the quant terms, but I had the big D and was sitting on the toilet - barely made it to my exam in time. Then, right afterwards, back to the potty. I got verrrryyy lucky.

I wasn't sure after the test if it was really easy or if I had missed something. Fortunately, it was really easy. Unfortunately, that made the curve very competitive.

I'm feeling dumb and stupid for not doing better - got a B+ - I missed the A- mark by one point. One point. ARGHHHHHHH - and mostly for a really stupid mistake. I can't stop beating myself up over it - I partially feel like, OK, this is what's going on with me right now. Every time I make what I perceive as a mistake in a class, I obsess about it for awhile and then I can later move on - I just have to go through that process, but I'm a little worried that I'm doing my psyche harm. In other words, I'm beating myself up for beating myself up.

I'm mostly concerned b/c I need that quant to get into a school in the Bay Area, which is what I really want.

Anyway, after my exam, I went to the gym to do some yoga. It feels so good to stretch my body after being humped over my laptop or a book. I feel like I finally found a good time to practice - T/Th between classes, but next Thursday I'm starting my qualitative class and won't be able to do that. Oh, well. Once Jan 12 hits I'm hoping things will ease up a bit. Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it.

It was so great to have Lori/Ori/Hannah/Ruby over yesterday - I came home early - mostly, actually, to see my kids - whom I feel have been getting shortchanged - and also to relieve Chris - who has been suffering, it seems. We hung out for awhile and then walked in the misty rain up to the Hvd farmers market and then up to the Z cafe for dinner - I was just amazed that we could take 4 kids three and under out to eat without any major catastrophes. Maybe they're growing up!

Then tried to watch dr. doolittle with popcorn - with that autistic/tv study i'm a tad worried that too much is going into my kids brains...

Great morning meeting today with with Mrgt this morning - she's the Mass. suprerior court judge in my class. She suggested in reaction to my angst about grad school to just talk to more folks and let them know my dilemma and get advice. My tendancy is so wrapped up in always trying to figure everything out on my own so I look perfect to folks on the outside. Funny thing is that once she told me her dilemma - I had the same advice for her. She had gotten very interested in education policy issues after a 7 month trial where she ruled overall that the state needed to provide more funds for low income schools - but she doesn't think she's qualified!

Today's JC class was on objectivity in the media - uh, yeah. I actually loved the readings - this is one of the topics I'm most interested in. I had a lot to say, but of course was only called on once. He had us do some role playing with that Linda Grbrg Sup Ct. reporter from the nyt, who had spoken at radcliffe and mentioned her views - god forbid. it's so ridiculous - much better to be outfront with where you're coming from. Studies have shown that the youth really feel this way, too. Cml said something about the balance between having highly educated and skilled reporters and less educated poor folks, or something like that - in other words, it's too bad we don't have more view points of marginalized groups but we really need the "experts" - i replied that i know plenty of great papers (justice speaks!) that are put out by disenfranchised groups - she wasn't too happy with my response, b/c she is totally on my side. i felt bad for her but i really needed to say that - it's just so patronizing. once again, i made another very eloquent point that i totally forget now.....