home alone

after chris and the kids left yesterday - i felt so strange to be in the house without anyone else here. i always have to leave the house to study. i cleaned up - and noone messed it up 10 minutes later. what a concept. i reorganized a few things and then sat down to study. it felt marvelous.

i then took off for tjmaxx to add to my meager collection of winter clothes and to look for clothes for the kids - it's even too expensive there - i think we'll head off for the thrift stores, instead.

i then went to meet some of my classmates at what was supposed to be an armenian restaurant - it mainly felt like a run of the mill big middleeastern restaurant with belly dancing - mildly amusing, but the food was expensive and the conversation so - so - after that fabulous night out at the thai restaurant i expected a lot more - but maybe i also just felt strange "wasting" my free time - my constant battle - that i should be more productive with my time.

i then felt like santa claus offering students rides home - could actually do it since the car seats were out of the car for once. i didn't get back til 11 - called chris - felt bad i couldn't have said goodnight to them but i forgot to bring my cell phone with me - he also said kalian cried when she saw my picture at my parents house.

so at 11.30 or so i attempted to put together this manual breastpump. what was i thinking waiting til the last minute? why was it so hard to put together? why couldn't i use it once i did. maybe one ounce or so - not surprising given my inability to pump after about 9-10 months after kalian was born - even with a good pump, but this manual stuff is ridiculous, not to mention the whole concept of pumping...

went to bed and fell asleep reading a book for one of my classes - sidewalk - and reading about the the theories...woke up at 5am of course, then at 7am and then didn't get out of bed til 9am - unbelieveable! but actually kind of anti-climactic in a way.

spent the morning trying to organize a few school related things - including how i'm going to record my interviews for my class - yesterday i tried to set up those interviews and sent out lots of e-mail. none of which "feels productive" - i just tried to read my quant text - but i'm just feeling so distracted. i keep obsessing about missing that one easy question about the mean/median - i couldn't concentrate - was it more beating myself up or was it more obsessing about what this means for grad school and who to ask to do recs and where i should apply - outside of the bay area?

and chris just got a notice of more cuts at the merc - what does this mean for his job? will he have a job if we go back there???should he try to get another gig? will i ever stop blogging and get back to work?