It's all about getting there and how you look...

Thursday was a less official orientation and more one-on-one meetings. My wonderful second year “buddy” hooked me up with another second year who is also working on tech issues. I met him at Nomad café, which seemed like a great idea at the time – since it’s just a few blocks from our house, but it prevented me from just being on campus all day – I didn’t want to go back and forth – why this mundane rap on transportation? (I just saw a book title at the bookstore – it was a how-to book for bloggers – about how not to bore your audience – don’t tell them what you had for lunch). Anyway, transportation back and forth is critical to me right now as I struggle with how not to spend forever carting kids back and forth – so I rode the bike/trailer up there to meet this very friendly/helpful guy, who gave me lots of ideas – it was also helpful to try and talk through my interests (and attempts at this nsf application) – and basically realized I was pretty incoherent.

I then met with mb – the awe-inspiring prof I’m doing a research-assistantship with – I was very nervous – of course, I overdressed, wearing my (hip?) polyester clothes I had just gotten on sale for $3 at H&M – he biked as well, and his jeans/t-shirt confirmed that I have to get out of the K-school professional mode – but part of me really resists going back to my post-partem sloven dress – there was really something wonderful last year about taking a shower every day last year – it understandably drove Chris crazy with allo of the time it took, but it definitely made me feel less depressed – maybe I should write a book on post-partem depression – “Post-Baby Mental Health with the Right Clothes” or something like that. Ah, enough about the superficial – mb was amazingly wonderful – just as everyone said he would be – he was open to my challenges about focusing on Katrina/new Orleans b/c everyone was doing it, but taught me that there isn’t really a lot of research going on, just postulating.

He asked me if I had family in the area. In the moment, I forgot that he was referring to parents, most likely, and let my “child cat” out of the bag – this has been such a real issue for me – to be out or not – but in the end I did have to say it – he was already shocked that I had been living in the Bay Area, though, I stupidly said, when he commented that I had kept this from him in our phone conversations, “not –(oh, darn what did I say?)” suffice it to say that I should have said, that I didn’t intentionally (or had I? Was I worried that a bay area native had less of a chance of getting in?) – I was in Cambridge at the time – and the reality is that very little of my CV work was done in the Bay Area since I had either been touring with my film or teaching yoga or making babies. He also talked about my doing video work, and agreed – yahoo – to my request of an editing system costing at least 10k – that will make everything easier – now I just have to get more advice (Matt has already helped) in setting up such a system.

Of course, though, I left the meeting worried about some faux pas (what’s the plural?) re: saying that I had already worked out with Elsa my work with him – when I haven’t in terms of money or time. Hmmm…

Then, though, I had to bike over to Yokmi’s – yes, again, the transportation thing is important – so read on if you’re interested in the kid juggle – she is just about 4 blocks from campus, but by the time I unlocked my bike/trailer from campus, locked it in front of her apartment, went in, talked to her for a moment, paid her, gathered Kalian and her things and headed over to Lori’s it was close to 4. After the same ritual at Lori’s (minus the paying) and a little more heartfelt conversation, we headed home – with Liam riding his bike – yahoo! But we didn’t make it home til 5.00pm – it took 2 hours to get home, in effect. This ain’t gonna work!!!

Overall, Mb seemed quite supportive of the child thang – but was definitely interested in the ages of my children and had an understandable reaction that they were kind of young in terms of my flexibility with field research. He did mention some anthropologist who took her kids with her in the field, and he asked me in a supportive way if I had childcare figured out – he asked me what Chris did – when I told him he was a journalist, he commented that at least he has a flexible job to help with childcare. Hmmm…But the interesting thing that Lori suggested to me when I explained this conversation was to let go of being out about having children – I’m already in the program. It was helpful advice. I’m not sure why I’m still holding onto it – my problem of worrying about what other people think of me? How folks will judge me?