Ok, so here’s my latest struggle. I’m totally freaking out about weaning Kalian. I haven’t started yet, but plan on starting during Christmas break. It’s getting a little painful, and I have a hard time refusing Liam to hold my breast for comfort b/c I’m allowing Kalian to breastfeed, too, so I’m really about to wean both of them. Kalian is about 2 ½, but I realized that my freakout is less about losing that breastfeeding/bonding connection – though it’s part of it, but I’m mourning my body/self/identity of being a breastfeeding mommy – I had that “I make milk – what’s your superpower?” e-mail tagline for about four years. That was/is part of me! I’m afraid of losing that part of myself – as well as how weaning means (since chris got snipped and we’re done with 2 kids) that I will never have kids – and it feels like a sign of aging – a nose dive into menopause. I went to an Ashtanga yoga class the other day taught by my dear friend and fabulous pre-postnatal yoga teacher and by being in that room where I had brought my pregnant body and my little babes, I just started weeping. I am so scared to give up that part of my life and body – and I’m worried that once I stop breastfeeding I’ll gain lost of weight and my boobs, already small, will completely disappear, but more importantly, that part of my identity will disappear.