Liam: From Born Again to Handy Girl

Lately, for bedtime, Liam and Kalian have been wanting to read “Handy Girls” – a great feminist 70s book about two 5ish year old boys who are always wanting to hang out at their big sisters’ and friends “Handy Girls Fix-it Shop” where they fix, build and repair things. At the end of the book, one of the boys says, “If I were a girl, when I grow up, I’d want to be a handy girl.” Or something like that. Today in the car when Lev, Liam and Kalian and I were talking about Halloween costumes, Liam said, “If I were a girl, I’d like to be a handy girl for Halloween.” I said, “That’s the great thing about Halloween, Liam, you can be whatever you want.” Liam’s face lit up (ok, we were at a stoplight), and he exclaimed, “Yeah, I get to be a handy girl!” Ah, patriarchy turned upside down.

Of course, since I'm in academia now, I have been analyzing the girl power books that I've been reading to the kids. In many of the books, including this one, the fact that girls are handy or basketball players or construction worrkers often brings up in the text some type of shock or suprise that girls can do such a thing - I understand the intention - but I'd rather instill in my kids that it isn't a big deal for girls to play these traditional masculine roles. Comments?

perfect timing in the universe.

Great timing. Chris is flew to Toronto Tuesday, the same day we got an e-mail from Kalian's preschool saying they have to shut down for the rest of the week because of illness. We had agreed that when the kids are sick, that he would stay home with them since he has sick days. While I've been cranky about the situation and love to reply to the "how are you" from friends with frustration - I also see the comedy in it. We have every detail of our lives focused on that magical balancing act of our house of cards. Did everything fall apart when that card was pulled out from under me? Not quite.

Fortunately, it was actually OK timing. I had just stayed up Sunday night to finish a fellowship proposal and didn't have anything major due this week. More importantly, our community pulled through, as usual. Mickey took Liam to martial arts on Wed, one of the parents of Kalian's classmates offered to watch Kalian during my classes on Wed, and the husband of Kalian's babysitter watched her yesterday. Yes, we made the right decision to come back to the Bay Area - granted, this type of community could happen anywhere and in fact, Kalian's Wednesday playdate was at the home of parents I had just briefly met at a picnic. In fact, when I went to pick her up, she commented how surprised she was that we were willing to drop our kids off at her house when we didn't even know them. She and her husband had surmised that it was because we were second time parents and that kalian was so mellow. Yeah, that's part of it, I guess, we're also kind of desperate - or maybe a better way to put it is that we trust the universe.

Maybe that Family Mediatation Day at Spirit Rock paid off after all. Yeah, but I can't wait til Chris gets back tomorrow!

Liam is Born Again

Liam has been really into playing this game where he says, “mom, I want to be born-again.” He wants to re-enact me giving birth – things I must include in the scenario:
1. calling the midwife
2. waiting for him to tell me he’s ready to be born (he hides under the bed)
3. I have to sit on the bed right over where he is.
4. when he tells me he’s ready I have to stand up turn around and lean over, just like I did when 5. I pushed out him (and kalian) – and grunt a bit
6. when he comes out from underneath the bed I have to pick him up and yell, “It’s a boy!”
7. I have to then tell him, “you’re bloody – let me wrap you up in a blanket”
8. I swaddle him in a big blanket and cuddle him

ok, life isn't so bad - and, plus, it's helping me deal with my baby fever.

Grad school is easier for a mom

Well, of course, there are lots of qualifications to this, like, oh, all of the obvious challenges of being a mother of two in graduate school. Many in my cohort have asked the rhetorical question, "I don't know how you do it?"

But Sunday, I had an epiphany. I had spent the day at school writing a paper that was due today, Tuesday. I had finished a draft, knowing that I needed to go home at 5 and make dinner for the kids, clean up the house, and put them to bed, but while I was hanging out with them I realized how lucky I am that I'm forced to have such a strict schedule. The payoff is high. While most of my classmates were working to the wire to finish their papers today, I was relaxing at a bathhouse (ok, so it was my birthday and mom-spa days happen about once/year, but I'm just saying...). I am forced to plan my time well, and I'm also not able to just stare at my screen for hours on end because I have to/get to go home and have a real break with my kids - which probably gives me fresh energy when I come back to my work. Will it continue to be hard? Of course. Will my classmates be free from sick kids and childcare pick-ups? Yeah. Am I working two shifts while they work one? Absolutely, but I have the benefit of a supportive family, loving community and life experience to put it all in perspective.

I don't know how they do it.

It's my birthday!

What an amazing birthday - got to work out at the Y this morning before rushing off to print out my paper on Marx - and then to class - afterwards, biked home, ate lunch and headed into the city - I played hookie from studying and immersed myself at Osento, an all women's bathhouse in the Mission. It felt so decadent! I even tooled around the community thrift store and other local shops. It was exactly what I needed. I wasn't even that upset when I came home after picking up the kids to learn that I would have to make my own birthday dinner. Oh, well - after relaxing that much, I took it in stride. The best part was both my kids singing me happy birthday with a cake we all made together last night. Life is good...