Monday, April 30, 2007

How do I do it?

Often, during the day, I'll think about how I want to be a better mom to Liam - being more engaged with him and patient with him. I come home with energy and vigor to spend time with them. Tonight, though, I was playing with my angels, when I stepped into the bathroom for a bit. When I came out, Liam and Kalian had thrown all 10,000 legos into every square inch in the living room. Hmmm... I said, when Liam told me it was a lego museum. I tried to interact with his new installation by his lead. But after I had refrained from saying the F-word a few times after stepping on those little buggers, I thought, why don't I make a game out of picking up the legos? So I turned on some good bluegrass music (after it took me about 15 minutes to turn it on after the kids had messed with the controls) and tried to play a freeze game with dancing and picking up the legos and then freezing when I turned off the music. (sounds like I'm a great mom, so far, eh?)

Liam was into the music part, especially banging a toy like a drum instead of picking up legos. I tried a few other tacts and then resorted to my angry mommy voice saying that he would have a consequence (i.e. the modern pc of way saying punishment) - the night basically disintegrated after that. Next, came bath time when Liam, as usual, took forever getting into the bath and then didn't want to have his hair washed. When I got so frustrated that I just started doing it, he freaked out, understandably.

So here is what I think I'm doing wrong as a mommy (ok, this is one of many things):
-telling Liam when I'm angry with him and using an angry voice - I think it's good to express feelings but I struggle to de-escalate rather than escalate, especially when he is just freaking out sensory-wise and needs input
-expecting him to listen to me like I expect adults to listen to me - just like it pisses me off when adults (read men) don't listen and respond to what I say - it drives me crazy when I ask Liam to do something and he ignores me. What should I do?
-there's more to this list, but i'm tired and need to go to bed...

But FIRST - an anecdote from class today - social networking class - we had a speaker on social networking whose expertise was in many areas, including "dark networks" (i.e. "terrorist" and criminal). Our class member who is Policy Director for the Iraq Defense Department asked our guest (WayneBaker) casually, "We are trying to combat a dark network. We have tried a number of tacts, but none of them are working. What would you suggest?" Our prof suggested that Nzr explain his background, and the whole class burst out laughing - I guess you had to be there - we couldn't help cracking up when Nzr tried to get this poor speaker to solve such a major world crisis by answering a simple question. Yeah, how do you break up those networks and how do I break up my offspring dark network?

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Please don't call

CPS, that is. I picked Liam up from preschool on Thursday. I'm able to walk over to his preschool from MIT - it takes about 45 minutes, but there's no good direct public transportation route. Anyway, when I arrived - at about 3 - they were all on the playground. He had just fallen down. He looked around, as if searching for a grown-up to comfort him. He was so excited, as was I - that I could be there for him. He had scraped his fingers a bit, and they were bleeding slightly. Nothing serious, but I told him we could stop by the pharmacy on the way back. Before we left, I talked for awhile with Liam's teacher about Liam hitting his friends a few times that day. One of his classmate's dad, RobertSkendarian owns a local (yes, they still exist) drug store, less than a block from his school. We went in and he picked out Curious George bandaids. As we were paying for them, Robert asked Liam why he needed a bandaid. Liam said that he hurt his fingers. Robert asked what happened, and Liam said, "My mommy hit me."

Friday, April 27, 2007

I get it

I finally get it - when I was a work-at-home mom, I must admit I felt somewhat self-righteous about being home with the kids - I now realize that I was trying to act out some martyr archetype because I wasn't really happy with my role after about 6 months and the haze of giving birth wore off, yet I felt like I "had" to do it somehow. As I reflect back on this academic year, I finally get why women, at least those who even have the choice of going back to work, do it - I get it less on a theoretical level and finally in a heart-centered way. I feel so fulfilled stimulating myself with work that I love, really.

I'm able to take a book about an FMLN guerilla and her struggles while being imprisoned - and relate it to my own life - or my moral leadership class - what a gift!

I'm able (last night) to hang out with my classmates at a hip bar where we ate, drank and reminisced before hearing other classmates "try out" for speaking at graduation, but it was less competititve and more embracing of each other. I was also able to catch up on the day's activities/protests for disability rights.

I'm able to teach students my theories about filmmaking, media inequality and social movements.

No, being home with my kids and these types of intellectually and meaningful activities are not mutually exclusive, but I now get why it is important for ME and my sanity to find a way to maintain this part of my life.

Unfortunately, in the process, I think I gained the freshman 15.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Moral Mother Leadership

On Monday, Chris went to a business journalism conference at Northeastern. I was excited to "let" him do something stimulating and meaningful for him and try to juggle a class I had in the morning and the afternoon. Fortunately (?), Liam didn't have his 8am OT, so what turned out to still be a chaotic day was less so. After Kalian and I dropped off Liam at Cambridge Ellis, I took her over to Co-op. I hate to admit it, but this is the first time I have ever done so - Chris has been the uber-Dad this year. Then, I rushed over to the Kennedy school to make my class. Hmmm...metered parking usually only lasts an hour or two, and I would just miss this timeframe - plus, I couldn't find any, so I had to park in the lot that charges $19 for just 2.5 hours. Rats. After my class, I had a meeting in in Littauer with an admin person about student parenting issues. She's trying to come up with web resources - and theoretically other resources for parents - she's very well intentioned, but I'm not convinced she has the full backing of the school. I unloaded all of my complaints onto her about the lack of subsidized childcare, parents not knowing about the discriminatory anti-lead laws, identity issues, and the general lack of support and acknowledgement. But I couldn't stay long to talk to much because I had to rush back to pick up Kalian.

On such a gorgeous day, everyone was outside enjoying the sun while I walked back through the courtyard, but that meant having to avoid conversations with friends that I'd like to have. I drove back to Davis Square - trying to find this barbeque restaurant that Lisa, a co-op mom, had Kalian and her daughter, Charlotte, were eating lunch. After driving in circles I finally found the place 15 minutes late. Fortunately, the kids were still eating, so I ordered catfish to go - it took awhile, but it was such a fun place, and I really liked Lisa, that I would have liked to hang out, but I had to throw the K-train into the car so that she would get a decent nap en route to Liam's sports class. Being thankful for both the map and Chris' directions, I wound my way through Somerville and Kalian fell asleep right away. When I arrived at the class (Liam's classmate's mom, Tammy, had brought them there - thank god!) I was able to let Kalian sleep a bit while I ate lunch and tried to read up for my 4pm class. Then, I had to wake her up to go into the LittleGym - I wasn't sure what time the class ended exactly - that's one wierd thing about this year - not being on top of all of the details of what my kids do.

I walked in and started chatting with Tammy and then realized that I couldn't see Liam. Had I messed up somehow? Was Liam stranded somewhere? Had I forgotten how to do the mom juggle? Then, another mom said, he's right there. Liam had opted out of participating for awhile by propping up his legs right below the window where parents can look in, so I couldn't see him unless I peered down the window. Sigh. This is a whole other issue - Liam has been having a really tough time this past week with his sensory stuff - when this happens, he's less interested in participating. I encourage him back inside where he walks on the balance beam and I notice some stress in his shoulders - ack! at 4! Anyway, I finally manage to throw both of the kids in the car and head back home where Chris is waiting for us. By the time, I bring in the kids and pass Chris the kid-update baton, I have to rush out the door.

I have only 15 minutes to do a 20 minute walk, so I try to jog a little and make it just in time to my class on moral leadership. During this last class, we all have to talk about our identity and what our current leadership challenge is, a choice we are called upon to make, and a source of hope upon which we can draw in making this choice. This is what I said:

My leadership challenge is about identity. Four years ago, I would describe myself as an activist and a filmmaker. Then, I started making babies (everyone laughed - I didn't realize this was so funny...), and I was surrounded by supportive homebirthin' Berkeley moms. And when I came here, I was told by an administrator not to advertise the fact that I have kids, so my choice is not only how to balance all of these parts of myself, but also to choose how "out" I'm going to be about motherhood. My source of hope comes from other activist, academic moms.

Well, on Monday I got a taste of what it will be next year when I don't have a wife at home with the kids. Any volunteers?

i want yoga!

My body is deteriorating - I have these fantasies that this summer will yield more yoga, a trip to the dentist and healthier eating.

At least the weather is turning around to get more general outdoor exercise - we had a blast this week-end enjoying the weather, and I "only" worked half days this week-end, so I actually got to spend a fair amount of time with Chris and the kids. Saturday morning we ventured over to Cambridge Common because Liam has been hankerin' to play more baseball. Then, in the afternoon, we headed over to the Boston harbor where the Boston Sailing Club was having free sailboat rides - it was a glorious day, but as we waited over an hour to go on, it was a lot of work keeping the kids from going too close to the edge of the water - not too child friendly - they had free drinks, though, on a docked boat, but both Liam and I weren't too thrilled with the precariousness (Liam - fear; Me - nausea), so Liam and I ended up walking down to a park while Chris took Kalian on the boat. She had fun, apparently, and I got to keep my lunch inside.

It was nice to hang out with Liam on such a glorious day, but we've been having some tough times with him - wanting to hit and grab and generally be an aggressive kind o' kid - I worry that I am not providing enough of a positive/generous role model for him - and I'm concerned that so many of my interactions with him are about disciplining him, so we end up in this viscious cycle. I want to model non-violent gentle behavior, but when I find myself losing my temper with him quite a bit. Chris and I are trying to remember that his sensory stuff creates a lot of this - and it has seemed quite a bit intense lately - and it is really less of a behavioral issue, so the discipline in the long run doesn't seem to work. In the short run, he responds very well to consequences, but he still seems to have that very male agressive being that needs to get out. Sunday night, when I was giving him a bath, he was angry and didn't want his hair washed. I just sat there and let him have a tantrum (his turn, I guess since Kalian seems to be the king of tantrums lately) and splash water all over me. I was "experimenting" - in some ways it was helpful because I kept calm and when he was done I realized he was really mad about something I had done earlier, and we were able to talk about it, but I still am confused - I want so badly to raise a nice kid. How do I do that?

Anyway, after the park we headed over to Joel and Lani's for Joel's 40th birthday party - it was nice, but the kids stayed up late. Sunday morning, Liam woke up screaming about his eye - after about half hour of him being in pain, we took him to the Harvard Health Services - so much for my one morning - Sunday - of going to yoga class. He was fine, but not after reassuring him that he would not have blood drawn and to let the doctor put something in his eye to make sure everything was ok. Well, at least we got to go and consume Chris' favorite meal - brunch - at an amazing Cambridge kid friendly cafe - full moon cafe before Chris then took the kids to the beach while I hankered down to work on this Katrina analysis. Then, we went to a potluck dinner at the park with co-op families. Yahoo - time in the sun and with my family - here's to hoping that physical and emotional health will improve this summer with more time with them and to myself.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

op-ed on mommies - yes, it's gender, stupid

The following is a letter I wrote to the school newspaper about an article on the challenges that student parents face - especially around the high cost of childcare.

Dear Editor,

When I saw the front page article, “Student parents at KSG criticize lack of support,” I was as excited as my toddler gets when I let her use my laptop. What was not emphasized in the piece, though, was how this is primarily gender discrimination. Last fall, when I was acclimating to being in school full-time after being a work-at-home mom, a Kennedy School administrator advised me not to "advertise" the fact that I have kids. No, this didn’t come from a sexist old guy – she was a mother herself, who had internalized the documented discrimination that moms face on the job. Nonetheless, it was dreadful advice. Mothers are forced to choose between being “out of the closet” mommies or denying that part of our identity to survive in a non-family friendly professional environment. When I asked her what the Kennedy School does to support parents, she paused, as if searching, and then proclaimed that there was a highchair donated for use in the forum. Hardly a drop in the diaper bucket.

The story also raises the question of why we should make special accommodations to parents. What about everyone else who struggles with personal and financial challenges? This is not about everyone else. This is about women. The school should make sure that has everyone can attend, rather than ignoring the racial, class and, yes, gender inequality. On top of our breeding and breastfeeding acumen, we still do most of the childrearing. Next fall I’ll begin a doctoral program at the University of California at Berkeley. One of the key factors in my decision to enroll there was their mommy friendly policies and support. How many women do not come, or even apply to KSG because of the absence of support. Is this one of the reasons why the Mid-Career program is only 1/3 women? As one MPP told me recently, the school is missing out on the input of all of those mothers who are not here.

We also have less opportunity to develop social networks with classmates and visitors to the same degree as our parent-less cohorts. Most happy hour and evening events are during the bewitching hour(s) for parents – childcare pickup, dinner, baths, and bedtime stories. I have fantasies of bringing my 4 year old son, Liam, and my 22-month-old daughter to an evening forum event. I would breastfeed Kalian in the front row in front of some bigwig. Liam would be melting down and start screaming for dinner. Then, I would unleash my toddler to run up and down the aisles and onto the stage. Protests like this at Harvard in the 1970s generated day care centers. Is this what it will take to further close the gender gap?

Saturday, April 21, 2007

sun glorious sun

Yesterday, I had a whole day with the kids - again. I know for my mommy friends back in California and lots of other moms this may sound silly - but these days it continues to be a rarity. We got up and Liam went to work painting his book, and then I had to deal with a ridiculous landlord issue for an hour on the phone/e-mail before I could throw the kids in the car and head over to Anita's - we met her there before heading over to Drumlin Farm - an amazing audobon farm right next to the Walden Pond State park - it was warm and sunny for the first time in forever. We've had a few sunny days but we actually didn't need coats - what a concept. We had a blast - Liam and Shiva got to dig in the dirt and plant some seeds. Kalian was enthralled with the chickens, and then we all took a tractor ride. After lunch, Liam and Shiva were playing a magical game with their sticks - it was so great to see Liam enjoying the outdoors and connecting so well with a friend. I really don't want to go back living next to that crack house - that may seem like a disconnected idea, but I really want the kids to be able to explore the outdoors, rather than the confines of our backyard - however fabulous it is (or at least was when we left it - I'm a little worried about it - and am so sad that we will miss planting season - especially tomatoes!). It's also been so fab having Anita out here this year - what a gift.

After abbreviated naps, we made chocolate chip oatmeal peanut butter walnut cookies - yep, I made Liam say that mouthful before getting a mouthful. After the kids were satiated with cookie dough, Kalian had some intense tantrums - they are gettiing to be unbelievable. I managed to hold out longer than she, somehow. After baths, I put Damien to bed first. I've been putting them to bed together in the same bed - it's been a really nice ritual, but I needed to get that sleep deprived love child to bed. Liam and I were working on a helicopter of his. I am really worried that I am too perfectionist with him and that will not fare well for him. He wanted wheels, so I tried to teach him to trace around a cup for a circle. He kind of got at least the idea, and then he cut around it. All things considered, he did a fabulous job, but for some reason, I couldn't stop there - I told him to cut one more piece to smooth it out - of course, he just cut straight down the middle - now, I hope he did it to spite me because I should have just accepted that gorgeous mutateded octagonish shape be a success for him as a wheel.

After he went to bed, I stayed up to write a letter to the editor of our school paper on childcare/gender issues and watched for the first time all of the shameless virginia tech media frenzy.

Chris came home just in time for Kalian's first wakeup. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

runnin' on empty

I realized that one of the reasons why I was able to survive Thursday - i.e. no sleep was the weather - it was sunny for the first time in a year. The coke helped, though, get me through my MIT class - and then I met Chris and the kids at Harvest. I was searching forever for the right mix of Dr. Weil remedies for Liam's ecsema - I was definitely on slow drive. We did a little shop and then Chris got on the T to head to North Carolina. Now what?

It had been so long that I had been out with the kids in the car. It was a sunny afternoon, and I wanted to take them somewhere fun - in theory, but what I really wanted to do was take them home, plant them in front of the TV and take a nap. Instead, I asked them what they wanted to do (novel idea, eh?), and Liam said he wanted to go to the plant shop and buy a plant. Ah, a plan, that's what a sleep-deprived person needs, so we headed over to Pemberton's, a pseudo plant store/upscale deli that doesn't quite accomplish either, but it was the best we had. Rather than explore the indoor/outdoor plant selection, though, the kids just wanted to ride in the cart. Had I urbanized my kids so much already? Anyway, Liam picked out an awesome spider plant. Then I eyed the deli. It didn't take me more than a second to pick up dinner - I was too lazy to even pop a frozen pizza in the oven - I just wanted to take food out of a container and have it ready for my beloved kids (and me).

On the ride home, we passed a big park. Liam wanted to stop - so we did. Another beauty of being so tired - that I had no plans that I was worried about breaking - maybe I should pull allnighters more often? Or maybe just drop acid. The kids had a blast. It was strange, though, I haven't spent that much time in Cambridge/Somerville parks. We are so spoiled in Berkeley! There was a tricycle, and Liam ran over to get on it, and a Mom screamed at him to get off because it wasn't his. Oops. Fortunately, later, I intervened before Kalian suffered the same fate. But as it was approaching 5pm, I could tell that my exhaustion was sinking in - I was having less and less patience for Liam. He was trying to play with two older girls - they were being sweet, but clearly did not want to engage in all of his antics. Part of me wanted to protect him from being disappointed by them. Part of me wanted to explain to them why he struggles socially. The reality is that he's a little kid that needs the space to explore relationships and play.

When we got home I was clearly wearing down. We ate dinner and then I popped in "The Sound of Music" - Kalian fell asleep around 8 - I put her to bed and in my exhausion was hoping that Liam would do the same. Instead, at 9pm, he said how much he missed Daddy, and then he wanted to write him a note, so we proceeded to make notes/pictures and then what turned into an epic late night project of a "book." As I was reading books to Liam, I kept falling asleep - he kept trying to wake me up. I finally gave up and told him I couldn't and turned out the light. Who knows when he fell asleep. At 11.30, Kalian woke up - I went to go get her - I was so out of it that I brought her into bed with me thinking it was later (we usually wait til 5am to bring her into bed and breastfeed), but I managed to settle her into bed without giving her ama. We were drifting off to sleep when Liam fell out of our bed. He started wailing. I brought him back into bed, and Kalian let loose and started to cry. I started losing my temper. I have been struggling with this a lot lately - I sometimes yell at my kids (gasp). It always feels horrible, and I know it isn't helpful for them. I just yelled, "stop it." For some weird reason, they both quieted down and we all fell asleep. I just hope that isn't a lesson for me.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Feminists Rule!

Last night I made a decisive move. I went to a mid-career women's event. I skipped my MIT alternative class (the prof was gone, and he wanted us to go to a talk at the BerkmanCenter- oh, well) and actually went to my maybe second evening event at the Kschool - to put things in context - evening forum and other events are the heart and soul, it seems, of this place. Yeah, classes are fine, but there is a dizzying array of speakers and dinners that I simply can't go to b/c of parental duties. A friend pushed me over the edge to go - yes, it probably meant I stayed up a little later last night, but it was well worth it.

Ellen Goodman informally talked at a conversation with about 25 of my female cohort. She was always an inspirational columnist for me to read growing up, and I felt so privileged to hear about feminism again - this is such a word that few dare speak - even at the Kschool (or especially at the Kschool). In fact, we talked about how the "younger" generation of women have privileges that women her age had to fight for and don't understand that it is a battle not yet won - and that what is so important is for women to have each other to rely on for support. I really felt it in the room - everyone was so thrilled that I was able to come that it made me feel wonderful - yet also nostalgic and sad that we were going to be leaving soon. It also made me want to really stay connected with so many women.

What really struck me was something that Ellen said - that she sees mothers often tell their kids how sorry they are that they aren't able to be there for them at the various activities - either structured or not - versus telling your kids how happy and fulfilled (if that's the case) that you are doing work that is meaningful - it made me realize how incredibly energized I have been this year with my school work, yet I don't tell my kids that. Every time I leave I tell them that I wish I could stay home with them. I am that mother Ellen referred to. It might seem trite, but I really felt empowered after last night.

HarvardStudents Take on MichaelMoore

The section of the sociology/documentary class that I taught on Tuesday focused on Moore's Farenheit 9/11. Before the class, I grade their response papers to the week's film. 15 students despised him. One was neutral. One was positive. Here are direct quotes from the papers:

Moore - dramatic, telling and informative
- obnoxious
- propaganda
- preposterous
- credibility is lost
- takes advantage of the possibilities of film
- takes bias to extreme
- discredits himself
- sarcastic/mocking
- tacky
- caustic
- tiring
- biased
- outlandish
- over the top
- far fetched
- pesky rat-like voice
- dribble
- shameless
- I am a conservative republican and I hate Michael Moore.

My first question for them after reading over these was, "Why is he so popular then?"

I must say that even I was shocked that there were so few admirerers. The discussion spewed hatred toward Moore. Only at the end did I make my confession that not only was he a major influence and inspiration in my documentary work but that I've gotten money from the soundrel...

all nighter

dude - it feels so strange to even use that term, but that's what I did last night. Ok, ok, I went to bed right before Kalian woke up for ama this morning. Somehow, I'm feeling alright. I was working on this ridiculous statistical regression analysis of three studies on hookworm - yes intestinal worms! The prof thought it would take about 15 hours to complete, and I have spent at least 40 - I am soooooooo sloooooooow.

And to treat myself, I am going to skip my class after handing it in - I just can't stand to discuss this monster masterpiece that I just created. It's the last class, but, oh well, I'm also kind of pissed at the prof because he was quoted in our kschool paper as saying that he doesn't feel like parents should have any "special" rights - because it would be discriminatory toward international and other students who are not able to get financial aid - uh, yeah, we should all get it!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

not opting out

I just spoiled myself - or as another mom/student friend told me "treated myself" to going to a lecture! Yes, that's how I feel - there are so many events going on and i'm so busy with teaching/school/mothering that all of the kschool events are merely quickly deleted e-mail announcements or passing posters. But today, I went to a talk on media's perpetuating myth of women "opting out" of high-paying careers. This amazing woman is Evelyn Murphy, from Brandeis. She talked about the continual series of news articles (most prominently in the nyt) that showcase rich white ivy league women who decide to leave their careers to take care of their children. What she pointed out, though, was that even for these women, it's because they don't have job flexibility to allow them to do what they really want to do - work some and be home with their kids some. It is also such a narrow slice of hte pie - most women don't have these choices. And these kind of anecdotes overshadow stats which show that women have to work more and more. It was refreshing.

Now, since my MIT class was cancelled I can actually grade the papers that I need to return to my students this afternoon. I am also being decadent by doing it at a cafe. Wow, I'm really living it up, eh?

It should be an interesting discussion in my section today - pretty universally, all of the students hate Michael Moore.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

world wrestling is the ticket!

OK, this is one of the reasons why this MIT class is my favorite this semester - we had Mick Foley speak in our class. He's a long time world wrestling federation personality - and has writtena few books on the subject (Cactus Jack) .

We sparred a bit in class (heh heh) on issues as varied as international relations and child rearing. OK, we didn't really fight, so to speak, but I asked him about how he sees wrestling as an outlet or creative space, like superheroes, for young boys as a means to honor their need for power. At first, he gave some pat parenting advice about television controls, as he has a four year old himself, but he did talk about how his kids don't watch wrestling but they have action figures and can meet the wrestlers themselves, but when his kids do meet them, they're disappointed at how mere mortals they are. He did ask me, "You let your son act out his need for power, don't you?" In fact, I'm struggling now how to enable this very thing in a safe way.

And when Mick found out that I was at the KennedySchool, he asked me if I knew Samantha Power (She's a prof at the K school teaching international human rights - she won a pulitzer prize for a book on genocide. She's also Barak Obama's foreign policy advisor). He then told a story about how he was a guest host on Air America Radio for a week. He was told he could pick a few guests to interview. He had read her book and really wanted her on the air. The producers said that genocide was not funny. He replied that the show as 4 hours long, and he can't keep them laughing for that long., so he ended up interviewing her. He said it was a very meaningful interview for him because she took him so seriously.

He then relayed how he was in the dressing room at hte Meadowlands before a big show. Another wrestler was reading a book that had an introduction by Samantha Power. He and his colleague struck up a conversation about human rights while a brand new wrestler stared at them in awe and surprise.

We also talked about the whole concept of violence. Mick relayed a story of how Lieberman, when he ran, was on the board of some organization around television violence. He had debated him in the media around Lieberman's saying that wrestling was too violent. Mick asked hif he had watched it, and Lieberman said that he had read the content report, so Mick then asked let me tell you a content report about this violent Hansel and Gretel story - child abandoment, kdinapping, child abuse, and murder. He had a good point.

Another student asked about gender issues and how it seems as if a lot of wrestlers express a wide range of emotions while Sam also said that gender studies critiques rarely refer to the contextual storyline in the wrestling stories, but instead always lead to the the ring - but they often don't get to know the characters, and Cactus Jack's story (Mick) was about searching for a family membrs - and that it was a travelling road show. And Mick said that because we're hitting each other and beating each other up all of the time - that's why it's ok to cry - unlike other men.

And here is a story that ran in the Globe about the context for this class...

http://www.boston.com/news/education/higher/articles/2007/04/10/smackdown_at_mit/

SMACKDOWN AT MIT
College credit for watching TV? Area students dig into the 'cultural significance,' and the water-cooler back stories, of popular shows.

By Emily Sweeney, Globe Staff ?? April 10, 2007
CAMBRIDGE -- On a recent Thursday afternoon, a dozen students gathered inside classroom 169 in the Massachusetts Institute of Technology's Whitaker Building. They were there to grapple with tough topics and contemplate questions such as this: How did Kevin Federline manage to launch a new career with World Wrestling Entertainment ?
Indeed, that's a puzzling concept some academics might shy away from. But not in this class. The guest lecturer that day was Jim Ross -- known to wrestling fans around the country as "Good Ol' J.R.," the veteran ringside announcer for the WWE -- and he had the answer. Federline, a rapper known more for his marriage to Britney Spears than for any athletic prowess, made his wrestling debut when he got bodyslammed by WWE champ John Cena in October. How did this come to be? Well, Federline "was a pop - culture flavor of the week," said Ross, in his Oklahoma drawl, "and -- not to be crass here -- he needed the work."
Such discussions are a normal part of the newest full-credit course offering in MIT's Comparative Media Studies program: "American Pro Wrestling." The class explores the history of an American institution that brings athleticism, theatrical performance, and choreographed stunt work together in a square, roped-off ring. During the semester, students watch dozens upon dozens of wrestling matches, from 1980s clashes between Hulk Hogan and Randy "Macho Man" Savage to modern-day battles on "Monday Night Raw." Students examine how technology has transformed wrestling into a multimedia business, and how the styles and storytelling methods have changed over the years. The required reading on the syllabus includes colorful titles such as "Steel Chair to the Head" and "Sex, Lies, and Headlocks."
This quirky addition to the MIT course catalog was the brainchild of grad student Sam Ford, who designed and teaches the curriculum. The class has created buzz on the campus and beyond. One blogger called it "The Undisputed End of Higher Education." Ford said a radio station in California called the class "a sign of the apocalypse."
Why study wrestling? Ford hopes students "use the class to learn more about how to critically analyze, discuss, and write about the popular culture they consume." And he's not the only one who sees the academic value of it.
"We've been very supportive of this course," said Henry Jenkins , director of the Comparative Media Studies program. "The WWE is one of the most successful -- and innovative -- media franchises out there today." Jenkins -- who has an essay in "Steel Chair to the Head: The Pleasure and Pain of Professional Wrestling" -- said wrestling is worth studying because it's one of the oldest forms of entertainment, one with ties to vaudeville and theater. At the same time, he said, it's also a "window to the working-class culture in the United States."
Since February, the students have been studying the flamboyant heroes and villains on the pro wrestling circuits, and the cultural evolution of these brawny characters and their friendships and feuds. Ross told the class that pro wrestling's soap - opera story lines are reminiscent of prime-time dramas such as "Dynasty" or "Dallas," but with "headlocks instead of guns."
The class also maintains a group blog (mitcmsprowrestling.blogspot.com), where students post commentary about matches ("Flair actually wins with a pretty standard wrestling move, not his figure four leg lock"); discuss the motivation of the characters ("The relationship of Dave and Robbie is one that seems to be repeated over and over in wrestling -- the promoter/ booker taking in the downtrodden, punky kid and making something of them while also providing them with a sense of family"); and even their appearance ("when Hulk Hogan first entered the WWF, he was supposed to have red hair").
In the world of academia, the topic of professional wrestling does come up from time to time, most often in courses on pop culture. But only a handful of schools offer courses entirely on pro wrestling. One is the University of Victoria , in British Columbia, Canada, which offers a fine arts course titled "Professional Wrestling as Theatre." Another is Penn State Altoona , which offers a business seminar titled "The Professional Wrestling Industry." (No doubt, it is a big business: WWE generated $415 million in 2006.)
Ford helped design and teach the curriculum for a class on pro wrestling while he was pursuing his undergraduate degree at Western Kentucky University . He co-taught the class in the spring of 2005. A longtime fan of wrestling, Ford said he was fascinated by "the verbal wit and serialized story lines that stretch 52 weeks a year .
"And, most of all, I'm impressed with how pro wrestling, as compared to most other types of media presentations in our culture, allows for the audience to be a central part of the show, through the ways that the crowd itself performs."
Ford has first-hand knowledge: He moonlighted as a professional wrestling manager and occasionally performs for Universal Championship Wrestling in Kentucky. He plays the role of the league owner, an "arrogant intellectual" who defected from Kentucky to Cambridge. No stage name here -- even in the ring, he goes by Sam Ford.
Ford lamented that much of the academic attention devoted to pro wrestling was "often looking at how pro wrestling may lead to imitative behaviors or an increase of violence and aggression." He wanted to offer a class that "took professional wrestling seriously as more than just some danger for our children and our society."
But his enthusiasm was not shared by everyone at Western Kentucky. Ford said some faculty members expressed disdain for professional wrestling, and others questioned why an undergraduate was helping teach a college-level course. All of the skepticism "just made me that much more determined," Ford said.
After he graduated in May 2005, he moved to Cambridge to attend MIT's Comparative Media Studies program. He floated the idea for another course on pro wrestling. The proposal was embraced by faculty and students, 12 of whom registered for the course. It's a diverse group -- eight men and four women, a mix of graduate students and undergrads. There are wrestling fans majoring in computer science and engineering, and students who didn't know much about wrestling but were intrigued the phenomenon.
Before taking the class, Rob Stott had very little exposure to pro wrestling.
"If anything, I looked down on it a bit, though mostly I just didn't think much of it," Stott, a senior undergraduate pursuing a joint major in comparative media studies and computer science, said in an e-mail. "When we first started watching wrestling matches for class, I approached them in a very distant and academic way, and think I was able to appreciate them as entertainment for their intended audience, though not personally. However, over time, certain characters have started to really stick with me, and I find myself starting to just genuinely look forward to and enjoy seeing them wrestle.
"So, would I say that it has turned me into a fan? I don't think so, though it has turned me into someone who can at least enjoy and appreciate wrestling to some extent, which is a big change."
The class meets three times a week and occasionally features guest speakers such as Ross; Sharon Mazer, author of "Professional Wrestling: Sport and Spectacle"; Harvard- grad-turned- pro- wrestler Christopher Nowinski, who retired from the WWE in 2003; and Mick Foley , a bearded, burly WWE World champion-turned - bestselling author. Foley's lecture tomorrow , which takes place at 5 p.m. in Building 54 (Green Building), is open to the public, free of charge.
Much of the class time is devoted to watching matches on video or DVD. Ford encourages his students to talk during the matches, and discuss what's taking place on the screen, just as regular wrestling fans do.
"Nobody ever watches pro wrestling in silence," he said.
Emily Sweeney can be reached at esweeney@globe.com.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

I'M A MOTHER!!!

Yesterday, Liam wanted to drop me off at school (instead of vice versa), and today one of Liam's classmates was so surprised that I was going to school, too. Why is there such a disconnected and have a segmented society and norms that maintain those rigid roles?

It's no surpise that I struggle every day with being a mom and a student, but I have been particularly angry at the lack of provisions to student parents at the KSchool - last week, we got an e-mail from our program head saying there was a mandatory meeting for graduation the next day at 4pm. I was so pissed. I was going to fire off an e-mail to him but decided, instead, to send one to my friends first, who helped me out a bit in reframing it, as well as offer me support. I was angry because this was not enough time to juggle childcare issues, as well as being a terrible time for parents - it turns out that most "extra" events are during the full-on parental duty/time with kids - early evening hours when kids need to be picked up, fed, bathed and put to bed.

Last summer during our orientation, the program seemed very family friendly and had some child-based activities, but I've realized that it was barely lip service. This was emphasized when a major Kschool admin person told me that it's best not to "advertise" that I have kids. In other words, we are denied that part of our identity if we want to "make" it as students, or "professionals." Not to mention the fact that we have no subsidized childcare, let alone any guarantee for childcare at any rate, let alone. On top of that we are not able to develop as powerful social networks with classmates and other visitors or through events because we of time constraints.

I'm LOL because this same admin woman, when I asked her about parent friendly factors at the Kschool last fall, said that there was a highchair in the forum - ha! This is less than a crumb (not to mention the fact that I have never seen it!)

Let's Go Fly a Kite

I was such a rebel, I came home an entire 45 minutes early today (gasp). It was a warm and windy day today (between snow storms), so I decided to take the kids out to fly the kites that Aunt Fran had given them for Easter. Liam had been chomping at the bit to try out his kite. Usually, when we ask/tell Liam that we are going out - Liam's tendancy is to not want to transition, and he usually wants to stay at home, but he was so excited to go - we got out of the house faster than I can remember. However, when we were walking down to the car, Liam asked if there would be a ceiling - I finally understood that he was a little scared because of Curious George's experience with his kite and flying into the sky. When I told him it couldn't really happen, he was quickly satisfied.

Chris was planning on going to the gym, but it turned out to be such a great family outing that he ended up joining us. We headed over to the Cambridge Common. Liam had a blast. It wasn't that windy, but Liam was able to run around and have the kite fly - such a wonderful, simple time. We then headed to the park on the commons before heading home to make pesto for dinner. I love cooking with the kids. Sigh, but then had to jump back into the car and head over to my MITclass - which is going on right now...

Monday, April 09, 2007

Forever

When do kids learn words and concepts like this?

When I came home tonight, I was snuggling on the couch with Liam and Kalian - both having their own touch of ama - and Liam expressed how sad he was that I wasn't at "family day" at sports class (guilt, guilt, guilt).

"I want you home every day, Mommy. I want you home forever."

Sunday, April 08, 2007

birth-renewal-death by chocolate

happy easter.

It's been so much fun having the kids be of the age that we can share some holiday traditions and ritual - easter is such a great holiday since it's easy for kids to relate to the springtime renewal by looking at the buds on the trees, the beautiful crocuses coming up (though Liam told me he didn't think they were pretty), and birds nests with eggs in them. After explaining our pagan traditions around easter, Liam wanted to go to the garden store to buy some seeds and plants. It was too cute.

We had a lovely morning with the kids. I painstakingly chose "healthy" easter treats for an easter basket for them - I put a granola mix in some eggs and hid those, along with the eggs we all painted on Thursday. They had fun finding the eggs and were thrilled to get a Lara bar in their baskets, as well. Then, Chris said, "look under the pillow on the sofa." and Liam reached under and pulled out a gigantic chocolate easter bunny. Of course, Chris was videotaping all of this and caught my disdain on tape. (But last week when I took Liam to the doctor and he had to have his blood drawn - as he was screaming, I promised him a treat - it quieted him down - why have I resorted to bribes? and then took him to the worse possible Bakery - a very upscale place where they only thing he wanted was a $7 chocolate fudge mocha cupcake. Maybe I was paying penance with their hippy easter baskets.)

But now I'm at school. It was kind of creepy when I walked by a large church adjacent to Cambridge Common. They have a large, historic graveyard next to the church, and there were hundreds of plastic easter eggs "hidden" by the gravestones - but, I guess it is all about life and death.

Chris thought my bunny puppet was kind of creepy (the easter bunny, I told Liam), and I thought his scary cat was, too, - but we had a blast at MIT last Friday at a puppet making workshop. Afterwards, we headed to Margot's for dinner - she's been a great friend this year. She's a superior court judge, and her husband is also a lawyer who was ran a big part of Dukakis'campaign - they were so sweet having the kids over to their gorgeous apartment. They are so down to earth, but when Margot was surprised that Kalian was potty trained I launched into all of the gritty details, but then realized they probably weren't that interested in the poop talk, but I had already dug myself in pretty deep and didn't know how to get out!

:( Liam just called because he was sad that about my leaving and didn't say good-bye - though he did say it but only after my prompting - he has a hard time with other people's transitions, too....an evolving journey of life/death/coming/going

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Berkeley

Yes, I am definitely going this fall!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Middle-Aged Ex-Jesus Freak

I’m sitting at my MIT Wednesday evening class – this is by far my favorite class, but we meet for 6 hours/week. There is this tradition at MIT for each class to have a “lab,” so our Wed night lab usually consists of watching flics. I usually doubledip and try to get some work done in the process. I just finished by stats/regression homework and thought I’d throw a blog post together because I’m having a major 1980s flashback.

As my “fellow” students are mostly in their mid 20s, I’m guessing that their observations of tonights’ video compilation is that of anthropological wonder and and disgust. The topic is Christian media, and most of the clips are from the 1980s – from rock music videos to JamesDobson’s “Focus-on-the-Family” videos – all media I both chose/was forced to consume in high school.

Oh, I did Jesus camp, went to Christian rock concerts, etc. but was in a very different position when I was exposed to the authoritarian message of evangelical hardliners like Dobson. I was the kid, and I’m now hearing his message as a parent. I can see while his message is so appealing. His message is somewhat hypocritical, of course, and frought with nuclear family closed mindedness.

But from these videotaped raps he did in the late 70s and early 80s, he said a few things that the progressive homebirth community embraces:

“Passed from generation to generation – until this century – intuitive, natural childrearing – this wisdom – originated by the creator himself was taught to her (mother), but with the breakdown of that support system of families – people are afraid to parent– don’t know how to do things, so people turn to the experts, the authorities (books) – they were better off before I came onto the scene (he jokes because he writes parenting books – thus, the contradiction) – if I have a mission in life – it’s nothing more ambitions than to connect us with the judeochristian ethic – my books don’t contain things new – they contain things old – my mother had a good grasp of these things beforehand…”

Of course he talks about how parents ought to take charge – I’ve heard all of this before – and like all advice – it’s not black and white, there is even some truth to his advice. I could go on and on how much I disagree with his parenting advice and the subtle and oppressing message that he gives to both parents (i.e. women) and kids, but here was one point that I thought I could totally agree with him on.

Again, this is from a conservative Christian evangelist (and psychologist) in the late 70s:

“Folks, I hate Barbie dolls. I have a crusade against Barbie dolls…I didn’t realize the impact of those dolls until it was too late – I wouldn’t allow them into the door (if I had known)…b/c Barbie sets up an image that it is impossible to meet later in life…”

“Barbie doesn’t have flaws. Barbie doesn’t have fat, her hair, her body… Barbie is busty – there is not a flaw anywhere on her body except a statement on her bottom that it’s made in Hong Kong>”

“When you give a girl those dolls – it sets up an image of what she (is supposed to be) when she’s 13 – the gap is dramatized by the perfection of her doll – even the creator of Barbie …not just the beauty of Barbie but the games with Barbie – gets her into …adolescent stuff - boyfriend…ken, who looks like superman himself – inspires adolescent things – puts kids on an unnatural timetable – this ought to come 10 years later (he was speaking of 3 year old girls playing with Barbie)– if possible, hold it off – watch Saturday TV – see how much is given an adolescent theme – hold that off until your kids get there.”

“Let adolescence come on its own ..(but) Prepare your kids for adolescence.”

He then goes on to talk about how when kids are just about to jump into puberty to really prepare them about the emotional stages they’ll go to – i.e. inferiority.

The interesting thing about this advice isn’t that it came from a right-wing Christian but that a lot of this has nothing inherently to do with Christianity – it could come from anywhere.

Hoop Dreams Passover

I can now see how my dad got so hooked into teaching and caring for his students. I'm having a really good time teaching this class, but it is such a time sucking machine.

Yesterday, I taught the class on the week's theme - racism and discrimination - based on the students viewing (and writing about) HoopDreams. The freaky thing was that my class was videotaped by Hrvd's Center for Learning - where they give support and advice to teaching at the university. It's a great resource, and I'm sure I will learn a lot from it, but it was a little intimidating being videotaped.

I got off to a rocky start, not having my routine established (it was in another space), but we soon got into a groove. I started out by posing a question to the students about how the flic was not even nominated for an Oscar, despite rave reviews - and how that, as well, fits into our racism analysis. The conversation eventually delved into the students wondering if the filmmakers cameras affected the players' aims and ambitions - I then asked them if their being videotaped was affecting what they were saying. They also had indicated in their papers that they didn't think explicit racism was addressed in the film, which I challenged. Overall, it was a good discussion. The only drawback was we had some technical errors - thank God for Reed, who, again saved the day. It's hard to try and teach and deal with laptop/projector/image issues - that's why I rarely played music during my yoga classes.

Speaking of which, my practice is so rusty these days after the blur of having the flu and being so crazy busy with this class, though last Sunday's full practice felt great, especially after that fabulous massage in Newport...so much to update everyone on.

Anyway, after class, Chris and the kids picked me up and we headed over to Joel and Lani's for Passover. His parents and some close friends of his were there. It was our first ever Seder - Chris was trying to get Liam to say to our hosts, "I am a gentile." - but only because Joel has a sense of humor and Liam was trying to wrap his brain around what being Jewish meant. We clearly weren't doing a good job, but the rituals certainly did. The kids held up great, despite it being a very adult function - we had to leave at the end of the meal, but Kalian got addicted to Kugel before we left, and Liam got a car for finding the Matzah crackers.

Then back home to write two papers and read for today. The tough thing about my schedule this semester is that I am in class all day long and am scheduled to the hilt so don't have much time during the day to study. Here was my sked for yesterday:

8.30 - Leave house/stop by to pick up bribe b'fast for study group because I got them to change our study group time
9-10 - Stats/Regression Study group
10.10-11.30 - Stats/Regression class
11.30-12noon - Bus to MIT
12noon -12.30 eat lunch and do readings for pending class
12.30-2.00 Great ComparativeMediaStudies class on Cultural Studies Vs. Sociology
2.00-3.00 Bus back to Harvard - bus late so sat on steps of MIT and organized papers
3.00-4.50 - Prepared for teaching class
5.07-6.00 (yes, that's the time Hrvd classes start) - Teach class
6.10 - Chris and kids pick me
6.30-9.00 Passover Seder
9.00-1.00am Write Papers and Study

Sunday, April 01, 2007

crazy life as a teacher

I love teaching this class. It's a total time suck, but it is so challenging and invigorating - it's also giving me the opportunity to view documentaries with the kids - just an experiment since so much tv/videos/dvds are so inappropriate. We've been watching hoop dreams for my class. Each week, the students write a paper connecting a film with readings - it's amazing what these students say in their papers - the AfAm stereotypes from this flic and the class assumptions with the Enron movie, but I wouldn't expect anything differently.

My alst few days of break - having to do classes and cram before going back...I can't wait to hang with the kids this summer (someone please quote me on this in late July).

I'm Back!

Ah, back to the grindstone. First day of April and last day of spring break. Everything is a blur. This semester is so insane and then I got so bloody sick - and then such a relief to be on break that I have shied away from the computer (and schoolwork and blogging), so I finally am trying to get back into the crazy groove of my packed schedule.

We literally got in the car last Tuesday and just decided while driving to head down to Newport, Rhode Island, not terribly far but a great spring destination - it was on the chilly side but that also meant it was on the cheap side. We stayed at the JailHouseInn and got two adjoining rooms - something we can never afford but at $50/night with full breakfast, we went for it - the rooms usually go for $400/night in high season. I wasn't very into the mansions - and the kids didn't do so hot on a tour that we tried to take - but the time outside was amazing - the Cliff walk and on the way home we visited the Norman Bird Sanctuary - which had a beautiful hike. The food was great, too, but the best part was that I had an incredible massage - I found this woman at the local natural grocery store - just asked around. My body is finally starting to get better - on that trip it was the first time I felt like a real person in about three months.

The only downside was that it confused Liam. Our spontaneity sounds fun, but Liam thought we were moving there, and he wanted to know where his new preschool was going to be. It was quite disconcerting. He didn't really like the entire hotel experience. The little guy has a really tough time with transitions. Don't we all - I am not looking forward to going back!