oh, i'm so confused

Well, "shopping" for classes is over, as is on-line registration, but I am confused about my schedule. I really wish I could have taken enough classes to just take three this semester, but I maxed out last semester as it was. I also think I should have shopped more classes - like Gergen (though I did ask Chris to shoot me if I signed up for one of his classes) or even Mark McKinnon - Bush's chief media advisor and strategist. I heard him and other media professors talk at a Shorenstein event yesterday. I'm now wondering if it would have been good to take a class with McKinnon and really learn the strategies of the enemy, as Nolan aptly put it. Oh well.

Here's the line-up:
1. Empirical Methods(quantitative analysis/regression) - either here or at the ed school
2. Building Social Capital/Social Networks - relatively interesting - has digital inequality and social movement implications - but the motivating factor is that it fulfills my one management requirement without being management at all
3. Media Theories & Methods - at MIT - I'm very excited about this class, though it hasn't even met yet - with Henry Jenkins, who does a lot of cutting edge work in new media/fan culture/democratic approaches to media - the bummer is that I won't know if the Kennedy school will even give me credit for it for another few weeks.
4. either an independent study or a class on moral leadership

#4 is my big quandry - I'm thinking I should do the independent study to have something that could possibly be of master's thesis quality in case I get into grad school, but I would need funding to continue the project I started last semester - for small stipends for interviewees (low wage workers) and for transcription. Plus the org'l mess is intense...if I scaled down my expectations from 30 to 10 for the number of interviews, it might make it more doable. But the moral leadership class is taught by a professor who does exactly the kind of work I want to do, in a lot of ways....

On a more upbeat academic note, last week I went to an amazing seminar at BC where academia and activism are working hand-in-hand - it was very inspiring and gives me hope for the whole ivory tower divide.

I should know in about a month about grad schools - which, honestly is just as much about preschools for Kalian, as it is about my future life's work!

Shopping

Back in school this week "shopping" classes - I'm not quite ready to be back. It was so wonderful to actually get to spend time with my family the last few weeks - I even got to cook dinner every night, which Chris reluctantly had to relinquish...

nothing's cuter

then seeing Liam coming home from a birthday party, doing a great job taking off his jacket, his shoes, putting them away and then pulling down his pants and waddling down our long hallway to the bathroom. Of course, before he goes to pee he has to get his "boy toy" - literally - from the party - a lego fire truck in the blue bag along with a lizard, and motorcycle pez dispenser while Kalian's pink bag has Disney princess dress up dolls, princess pez dispenser and a pink puppet...

is it really therapy?

Last week we got childcare for Kalian while Liam was in preschool to meet with a speech therapist for Liam - Chris and I have the strangest dates.

Last fall when Liam started to stutter quite severely, the speech therapist at the Cambridge public schools just happened to leave her position. We were confused and scared. Chris asked around and found a speech therapist, Adriana, that was unanimously recommended. It cost us $400 for an evaluation. Chris took Liam to see her and gave her all of the routine history, etc. We never got a report from her. I was furious. Finally, though, before I was about to write her a nasty letter, Chris was able to schedule a meeting with her to talk about Liam. It was simultaneously phenomenal and scary. She had a lot to say about Liam, but the bottom line was that she felt like the speech therapy he had been getting, at least at the Oakland schools, was counterproductive to his disfluency (propensity to stutter) issues and that she actually recommended just focusing on his sensory issues - I dragged Liam during his nap time twice a week last year to a school across town to have him sit in a classroom with a speech therapist who was doing therapy that was not benefiting him - I'm not basing htis just on this new therapist's evaluation. She just confirmed what I felt all along. It was not appropriate for a 3 year old - or a 4 year old for that matter, to be forced to sit in chairs to have stuttering like sounds given to him to repeat (like ba-ba-ba).

The next day we took him to Emerson college, for low-cost speech therapy - Adriana, who was there training other therapists, was able to watch, as were we, through glass mirrors, and she was worried that too much pressurized therapy would be counterproductive - and that he just mainly needs modeling. So the question is if we should continue this Emerson therapy or not?

UGH! Why is parenting so hard??? We work so hard to do the right thing and the thing we did was wrong !?!

care about media issues?

Check out these interactive web sites - of course, I got oodles of appropriate propoganda at the media reform conference in memphis. I finally had time today to go through my piles and separate the info into:

1. contacts/career/networking stuff
2. future media research topics
3. why did I pick this up?

anyway, here they are - they're interesting if you are into media ownership and digital equality...

www.publicintegrity.org/telecom
www.speedmatters.org/yourspeed

don't worry about putting in your e-mail address - it will still work...

crap-a-loo

Oh, that's not really the name and we actually had a great time at "Kripalu" - Chris just wondered if new age yogi's had a sense of humor when he suggested this nickname...

We set out for this yoga retreat center in western Mass on Wednesday with very low expectations - with two young kids, we didn't anticipate having the ultimate relaxing and rejeuvenating experience, but we actually had a fabulous time - despite Kalian getting a high fever in the middle of the trip.

Kripalu is literally right across the street from Tanglewood in the Berkshires. It's outdoor setting is stunning with a lovely view of a lake nestled in the mountains. But, with temperatures finally challenging the universal global warming effects - hovering around zero - we didn't spend that much time outside, though I did walk around the meditation circle walk for a bit before freezing my zen buns off.

We arrived just in time for dinner - all of the meals were served in a large dining hall buffet style - it was so nice to spend three days having someone else cook and clean up (hey, what am I complaining about - that's what Chris is for) - and all yummy, organic food. They even had rice milk, Liam's drink of choice - though the "silent dining" breakfasts were a challenge - we ended up eating in the play room, so the kids could be their wonderful loud selves.

The play room was so helpful - not enough cars and trucks for Liam but still had plenty of toys for he and Kalian to play with. It was also where they had childcare - yes, childcare - that I did not hesitate to take advantage of. Unfortunately, we only planned on coming the week before, so I wasn't able to get more than 4 hours total - but that ended up being plenty for both us and the kids.

After the first dinner, we went to the evening program - sanskrit chanting complete with sitar, harmonium and tabla drums. Liam was transfixed and Kalian was starting to get sick so just sat there mesmerized before falling asleep. We had such warm welcoming glances and smiles from most people - toward the kids, which was a great way to start out our time there. It was also just so great to share this spiritual and musical experience with our whole family.

Fortunately, they were able to find two rooms across the hall for us, but Chris and I still had to sleep in separate rooms and push the two twin beds together in each room for safer kid beds. I had to sleep in a separate room from Kalian b/c if I am near her at night, she ends up breastfeeding constantly, and especially since she was sick, I was already sore. Can you say wean?

We missed the early morning yoga class, but Chris went to their workout room before breakfast and then Chris kindly took the kids while I went to one of the sessions - I was going to go to a yoga class but decided to go to a workshop on "finding your purpose" or something like that - we spent the first part of the session meditating (though I fell asleep for a big chunk of it) and then broke out in groups of three - I enjoyed the people in my group - a retired preschool teacher and a food writer from New York. We did written exercises and then shared our "purpose" - funny, I thought my focus would be on my job, but as I was meditating and writing I realized my priority right now is to figure out a way to have a more balanced family life (which of course includes work) that integrates the things that are important to me: community, politics, yoga/spirituality, and music. In our groups, we talked about the biggest challenge to carrying out our "purpose" - and mine was just finding the time to talk to Chris about all of this. It was actually amazing to map out the baby steps of making life changes.

Again, I was going to go to a yoga class, but then I saw on the schedule that they had a dance/yoga class - why not do something else different? I had a blast moving my body in such free form - I love yoga but it can be so restrictive sometimes with motion. The best part was Chris showing up with the kids in the last part of the class. Everyone had a blast dancing with Liam.

After lunch, Chris took some time to himself while I took the kids up to our room to rest - well, not really. Liam's not napping these days without car motion - and even then it's rare, so I did the unyogic thing and pulled out my laptop and put a dvd in there for him to watch. I made the mistake of showing the Little Mermaid - I was so shocked that it was so popular - ok, typical Disney violent but the gender stereotypes were over the top. I was so exhausted and laying down and trying to keep Kalian asleep by breastfeeding that my parental control was null, as I let Liam jump around the bed and watch it.

Fortunately, by that time, Kalian was feeling better, so we were able to take advantage of a few hours of childcare, and Chris and I took a yoga class together - which was fun, and then after we took the kids to dinner, we headed to try something brave - taking the kids in to see a bollywood movie, as the evening's "event" - the popcorn kept them at bay for a half hour, but Kalian's strong desire for sleep masked in ubercrankiness prompted us to leave - it was still fun to experiment with doing that kind of stuff with them.

Chris put the kids to bed while I ventured into the ultimate decadence - I went to sit in the hot tub/sauna (pure bliss - especially with the cold plunge) and then went to get my yearly massage - can never really justify that in the budget, but I saw this trip as a delayed 40th birthday trip, so I was so looking forward to it. Unfortunately, it was the one disappointment of the trip. The masseur spent the first 10 minutes asking me about places to live (he's thinking about moving), so he shortchanged my time, he also started out with this back stroking that included a little too much breast touching - I didn't feel sexually harrassed at all - I just have my breasts beat up all day by my kids that at this point in my life, it's probably one of the least relaxing touchpoints on my body. The worst part, though, was that he was so quick and was not at all in tune with my body and didn't address any of the areas I asked him too, that I think Liam could give me a better back rub. Oh, well.

After breakfast the next morning, we dropped the kids off in the playroom with Hailey, the childcare worker, and we tried to decide what to do with our few hours - there was an anti-stress workshop, but we thought we'd meditate together in the meditation room and then practice yoga together before heading off to the hot tub. Well, we got as far as meditating before Chris seduced me - gotta love that tantric aura at a yoga retreat - oh, and the childcare helps, too!

We headed off to the (unfortunately) same sex hot tub/saunas before picking up the kids and taking them to one more dance class - it was so fun to dance with my whole family. We ate lunch and then took off in the freezing weather. The kids napped the whole way back. Who could ask for more?

Really Better Than Grades?

Well, Kalian is officially 19 months going on 19 years - now when she has to pee, she walks into the bathroom, insists on pulling her pants down by herself, closes the door and pees into her little potty by herself. Sounds great, eh? Except afterwards, she now wants to take a wad of toilet paper, dunk it into the toilet and swish it around, and then she screams if we don't let her dump her own pee into the toilet. Needless to say, baths are just as frequent now as pottying. I swear, I'm not complaining!

Better Than Grades

Who cares about grades, though, when your 19 month old, on her own, walks into the bathroom, pulls down her pants and sits down on the potty. She also "escaped" at co-op. She was found in the bathroom, a good 50 yards away down a long windy hallway, sitting down on the potty taking a pee. You go girl. Math will be easy compared to this.

Mama gets an "A" in math!

Yahoo! I just got the following e-mail from my quant professor - note this is the lovely British woman who organizes worldwide interdisciplinary math conferences and has authored renowned math books - oh, and also had me over for tea to help me on the week-ends:


"...we have just (this minute) done the grades. You have a (very well deserved) A. Congratulations!!
I think this is not public knowledge yet, as I think I will drown if all 72 people email me. But if you want to report it to grad schools etc you are welcome. Great job!
Deb"

Here's to you, Larry Sommers....

Time off

Even though I have another paper due Friday, we had the most amazingly mellow few days off - I feel like a real person - yesterday I took the kids to Anita's for Cyrus' birthday - great to hang out and then in the afternoon we went to a multimedia exhibit at a local art gallery - of Inman square - featuring us! - videotaped during our Halloween trip to the fire station - fun and mesmerizing for Kalian and Liam to watch three screens at once.

Today, I actually hung out at Liam's preschool, got to pick him, as well as Kalian up at co-op - which I have never done - gulp. I practiced yoga at home with Liam and Kalian buzzing about - which is what I really want - for them to see mama taking care of her body and herself and hopefully encouraging Liam to practice a bit - but it was Kalian that was doing sun salutes - it was too cute. Then, the whole family headed off to swim at a local pool - for family swim - ok, it was mostly pulling the kids around in the water. They all had fun - i was a freezing wimp, but it felt SO great to do something together. An all around mellow day. It was exactly what I wanted - and one of the millions of threads in a three hour conversation Chris and I had last night - we just never have the time - didn't really resolve any of our major life issues but felt great to connect.

Liam has a doll!

Anyone remember that song from "Free to Be You and Me?" - Though two points to anyone who remembers the real name from the lyrics.

I dropped Liam at preschool today but rather than just a quick good-bye, which I usually have to do, I stayed around for about an hour. I've been feeling so disconnected to him the past 6 months and wanted to see if my hunches about how he was doing in school were right. It made me sad to see kids - and others - not really respond to him while he asked a question. And, in turn, him not responding to questions that were posed to him, especially one boy's query:

"Liam has a doll."

Liam ignores him while his doll is sitting next to the tinker toy crane he's building.

"Dolls are for girls. Why do you have a doll."

He doesn't reply.

Just like the ponytail incident, I feel a knife go through me and into Liam. I look at Sb for a reaction. We then discuss the gender issue - there's a lot of talk about how this is typical for 4 year olds trying to categorize everything. Well, they learned "dolls are for girls" somewhere that has nothing to do with development. So then I relate my Geena Davis story to her and then walk over to Ms and tell her as well.

This past week-end at the media reform conference in Memphis, I was annoyed that there were going to be so many celebrities speaking - Jane Fonda? Phil Donahue? Geena Davis? I somehow ended up sitting in the Saturday night large conference hall. Geen Davis was introduced and I was about to get up, but her opening words struck me. She talked about how she has always taken movie parts that have strong female characters - Thelma and Louise, A League of Her Own, that TV show where she plays the president. Hmmm....then she talked about her kids, who are the same age as mine - and how they do not have any strong female role models in the movies or tv geared toward kids - with a few exceptions, like Dora the Explorer. She helped start a foundation that funds research on this issue - the results were startling - virtually no positive girl role models in kids programing for kids 11 and under - and few girls to begin with - when they are present - they are stereotyped.

She also lobbies Hollywood to change this. She seems hopeful. I feel cynical, but I was still inspired by her speech more than any other - maybe because the other speakers talked about media critique that I already feel passionately about and didn't learn from. What stuck in my mind of all of the pictures she showed us was, in her retrospective about our generation, a picture of Miss Piggy - and her pig-skinned cleavage.

Having a girl and a boy, I worry about both my kids and the gender stereotyping and oppression - but now I understand that it isn't just the burden on girls to overcome - but also on boys to not be able to fully express the full range of themselves. Was something taken away from Liam today?

mama goes to memphis

One of the few times the last four years that I could sleep in - what did I do? I got up at 4am and jumped in a taxi and headed to the airport. I brought a nearly-empty small backpack. I had an hour before my plane left for Memphis. The easy life. After shlepping kids and gear through countless airports, I didn't know what to do with myself with all of that free time. I could actually go to the bathroom without drama, buy a bagel without sharing it and pick up a newspaper without interruption. I could even take an emergency exit seat - generally reserved for the solo traveller. Who can complain of travelling when kids aren't involved?

I arrived at the National Conference for Media Reform by 9am on Saturday. I quickly tried to orient myself and focus my time there. It was a lot of money and time away from family to get me there, and I wanted to make it "worth" it (career-wise). After picking up my conference bag that was heavier than my backpack, I made my way into three different workshops during the first session. I decided that I could use my time more "efficiently" if I walked around the booths - I wanted to schmooze with with folks from various groups, as well as academics. I met some mildly interesting people (the memphis paper's guild local had been trying to get a contract for three years) but I mostly started to feel like coming to Harvard for a year was a waste - the people at these booths - many of whom were senior staff were half my age.

But then I spied Chris Kromm, a great friend from NC - who is the editor of Southern Exposure - it felt grounding to run into him. We chatted for awhile and then made plans to meet for dinner.

Overall, I just felt for the rest of the day like I was incredibly inarticulate about my rap. When people asked me where I was from and/or what I did - I stumbled over my words - Mass/Calif/NC...student/filmmaker/activist - all true but not very succinct.

The two workshops that intrigued me on Saturday was 1. labor and the media 2. digital divide - both were relatively weak and poorly attended - maybe 25-50/each. Meanwhile, the workshop on the role of the media in covering the war in iraq garnered close to 1500 people. Understandable but frustrating, in terms of how to build our movement on the grassroots level.

In the late afternoon, I was feeling incredibly confused about where I was going. I walked into the bathroom and overheard a cell phone conversation about a woman who was under incredible stress in her new role in academia - ouch. I then walked out and was looking at the general lit table, just trying to avoid having to schmooze. I struck up a conversation with a woman standing there, though, and she said something so wonderful to me when I struggled to explain my interests of media representation of the poor and the web 2.0 divide - she said, "Of course, it's hard - you're giving birth to something.

This really helped ground me. Soon after I ran into Jen Soriano, a SF friend from The Golf War distribution days - this also felt simultaneously wonderful and also frightening - that my last big work project was over 5 years ago. I headed over to the Consumers Union cocktail party - had some lame-o literal cocktail conversations and then ran into Chris again chatting with the Utne Reader editors - it felt good to be among companeros. Chris and I then headed down to the Marriot restaurant for dinner. While we were waiting in line, I said, let's head down to Beale street. So we had a nice walk in Memphis to the touristy but fun blues area of the city through fun art deco buildings, had great southern food and a nice conversation and then headed back.

We sat in the main conference hall to hear some of the headliner speakers - interesting comments from the MA congressmember on the telcom committee. Since I have been studying these issues this whole last semester and my whole adult life (structural critiques of the corporate media) - I didn't feel like I was learning much at the conference, but for some reason Geena Davis' talk on gender issues really struck me. After she finished, I went back to my hotel room - I thought I'd decompress, watch a movie and chill. As soon as I laid down, turned on the TV, I was fast asleep...

I got up in plenty of time for the main session I wanted to attend at the conference - the academic overview session - folks around the country researching these issues - all of the heavy hitters that I have been studying - they gave great presentations. I was trying to put myself out there and was going to stand up quickly (I've been learning at other workshops) to ask a few questions. But when it was time, a half dozen other folks stood up and I hesitated - and ended up missing my opportunity - (after going to the bathroom to have a little cry) I finally decided to just go up and stand in line even though the facilitator - the now famous bob mcchesney and organizer of the conference - a prof I'd love to study with but who lives where Chris would not want to live - rural Illinois. Anyway, of course, I didn't get to put myself out there - afterwards I tried to introduce myself to one of the panelists, with whom I had talked earlier in the semester - of course, he didn't remember me. Doh! Then I tried talking to a staff person inquiring about listservs - he was very dismissive - ugh. I then swirled around - these were all of the people that are/would be my peers and I felt at a loss - I knew how to schmooze - but in the academic world it just felt strange - if I weren't going to apply to their programs....still I wanted to but felt overwhelmed. I went to the bathroom to cry and then just took a taxi back to the airport.

Fortunately, I had an amazing conversation with the cab driver, who had a great analysis of the labor movement post-Reagan - again, very grounding - much rather chat with him than most anyone else at the conference. I also got to sit next to a guy I had briefly met at the conference, who had tried to organize a union at a Vermont paper - that Media News/Dean Singleton had destroyed.

Despite the ice storms and one layover each between Chris/kids and me, we managed to coordinate our trips enough so Chris picked me up on his way home from the Providence airport. The best part of coming home was Kalian waking up when I brought her in and I had lots of breastmilk for her...



horrible morning - sunday - not going to the podium - trying to introduce myself

overall good - forced me to realize i'm not sure what i'm doing...

Last class - breasfeeding blues and mom drinks a beer

Ah, it was so great to sleep in til 8am this morning!

To top it off I went over to John Harvard's (a bar:) with half of our class after our last session - we got there around 4 - didn't leave til 7.30 - such a rare treat - so strange not to have to look at the time....

But in the middle of class today, I felt my breasts tingling and about to burst. It had been about 30 hours since I had last breastfed Kalian. Last time Chris took the kids out of town - to visit my parents - I borrowed a manual pump - it was a pain, tiring, and didn't really work. I kept meaning to send an e-mail out to mamas around here to borrow a pump, but it just never happened. I had just asked a question about this space shuttle challenge case we were discussing. I was questioning just focusing on the 10 minutes before the fateful decision to launch - that there was the whole context of NASA, the private contracter's motivations, etc. etc. The prof thought it was a good question but wanted to deal with it later - and kept bringing this fact up while directing his comments toward me. Meanwhile, I was sitting in class simultaneously pressing my arms over my breasts to stop the milk but also stimulating them at the same time wondering if I could actually let down if I went into the bathroom to self-express.

I didn't want to lose my breastmilk and knew that getting the milk out was key to that - ah, the ol' supply and demand model. I stopped pumping when Kalian was about 10 months because I just couldn't let down without her at my breast. Was this my golden opportunity to "pump" after so many hours? I looked around the room. Was there anyone here who had a baby I could borrow? Could I run over to health services and see if there was a pump there? Why didn't the K school and every workplace just have a pumping room where you just hooked up your own tubes? I didn't want to get up b/c the professor kept insinuating that he was going to get to my most important point at any minute. 70% of our grade is class participation and I didn't want to get up and miss this key interaction. Ah, f#$@ it - I valued being able to breastfeed my daughter over any Harvard grade, so I just got up and went into the bathroom.

Fortunately, they have these solo bathrooms with toilet and sink in one room. Of course, that day I decided to wear a dress with about 4 layers on top. I faced the sink and lifted up my dress and tried to roll the dress up so I'd have 2 hands free. I tried to use my hands to squeeze the milk out. It was working but I kept having to use the other hand and arm to keep my dress up. It got too frustrating so I finally took off all of my clothes. At this point I was really letting down and my milk was spraying all over the place. I decided to focus on one breast at a time. This was getting tiring. I don't know how guys are able to jerk off for very long. Speaking of which, however much I tried to direct the milk into the sink, it started getting all over the mirror, the soap dispenser, the fawcets and in every crevice in the bathroom. It would certainly look like some guy was getting off in here. I kept thinking that I really should get back to class. I had no idea how long I had been in here, but I assumed it was 5-10 minutes for each breast. Do I really need to empty all of them to maintain my milk supply? I finally decided to just finish as much as I could since I already started. Of course, I then had to clean up the enormous mess I had created. It was easier said than done. Have you ever cleaned up breastmilk off a mirror?

When I got back to class and sat down, the professor looked and me and said, "OK, then, let's all take a break. Be back in 20 minutes." Sigh.

CLASS JOURNAL
The challenger discussion today brought up a lot of conflicting thoughts. With all of the cases we have discussed, this to me was particularly difficult to separate out the context with the actual persuasion principles. Part of the challenge is knowing the outcome. Would the decisionmakers and persuaders have made different choices if they had considered the possibility of a fatal outcome rather than the "success" of the launch. Does hindsight cloud our analysis, in other words? I also find it so baffling to just look at the empirical evidence presented by the engineers. It doesn't seem as if it was even a question of deciding to present it differently - in terms of our persuasion principles - they just didn't gather the proper evidence. (i.e. the temps of the non-failures) or most stunning - the temperature of 40 maximum in their contract. In some ways, therefore, I find it more interesting to analyze this baffling question rather than the actual persuasion techniques - though it was fascinating, as Gary pointed out, that the engineers employed more emotional/pathos rather than rational/logos techniques.

To me, this is a great example of why these techniques are not necessarily, on the surface, innate. People with engineering or logos backgrounds are, indeed, able to employ some of the squishier persuasion principles. I think I put myself in the category of being able to do a so-so job incorporating both logos and pathos but what is weak, innately (?) on my end, is the actual delivery. That type of nuance is what feels not necessarily innate, but at least learned at a young age. I feel like this class has really helped me to learn these principles and I have already started to try them out - they definitely work - rather than my typical knee-jerk response. What I wonder is how to teach my kids these EQ and persuasion principles? In my son's preschool class, they encourage very mellow/low-pressure "public speaking" - show and tell of whatever random thing a kid wants to present that day - even if it's a piece of paper they found on the floor. I think it's this confidence - and practice - that will help me - and him - to develop these skills.

I think it's this confidence that shone through on the "finalists" today in the two-minute pitches. Nature or nurture - who knows? But it was clear - partially from conversations - that the three top "winners" had practiced those speeches repeatedly - not just for the class but for other outlets as well. That gives me hope for my presentation style. I have felt very creaky this year making public presentations - even just participating in class - after being out of the professional sphere for awhile as a work-at-home parent - my biggest challenge has been the KISS principle. I noticed in one class in particular last semester that I talk around a subject and it took me a long time to get to my main argument. I'm wondering if another persuasion principle to add - or maybe it's already encapsulated in another one - is a type of confidence - not pussyfootin' around and getting to the point - while it's part of KISS - it also has something to do with passion/belief/straighforwardness in an idea - that, quite honestly, women aren't always encouraged to do - and that I certainly was not encouraged to do as a child - I was encouraged to give the "right" answer - not argue my point - the "right" answer was really someone else's answer - I did great on spelling bees and public math competitions but formulating my own thoughts - at least on a speaking level - was not validated.

cat is away...pentultimate persuasion class

So sad! Chris took the kids to Kansas City today. I really didn't want them to leave. I was savoring every moment with them this morning - it actually made me a little more patient with them as I was helping them get dressed.

During my class I have devoted each and every break during the past two weeks to being "efficient" - usually working on one of the papers that I have do. Today, I felt like taking a little break and actually going out to lunch with folks, which I never do, but noone was up for it, so on a whim I decided to go over to the gym and do yoga. My practice has deteriorated during this intense class and finals time, so I thought I'd take advantage of the longer lunch "hour" - it felt so good to practice - even if it was only for 45 minutes. However, I didn't have time to eat lunch, so I grabbed a bag of trail mix out of the vending machine and took it to class to eat as my lunch.

Normally, after class I go immediately home to see the family but today? So wacky to be liberated. So what did I do? Go to a bar? See a movie? Soak in a hot tub? I went to the library! I'm living on the edge at Harvard, that's for sure. Actually, it felt good to take a chunk out of my work before heading home - usually, I can't start until after I put the kids to bed, and it was nice to see Mark and other friends at the library.

However, that meant I didn't get home til 8.30 - fortunately, just in time to see The Office and to eat some leftover frozen quesadillas (the ones Chris had made for Liam's birthday party - thanx Chris, for making my dinner even when you're not here). Well, the result of not eating all day was an incredible headache - it probably didn't help that I had gotten my period today and haven't slept more than 4-5 hours/night for the last month or so.

non-journal journal...
In the middle of a mock job interview with a classmate, my cell phone vibrated in my pocket. I ignored it like I do when I'm in class, but it rang again - which is usually my signal with Chris that it's urgent - so I excused myself and picked up. I was worried that something had happened on the way to the airplane or Chris needed something from me to get on the plane....no, he was in an understandably great mood 'cuz they had made it onto the airplane and was calling to say "hi" - well, I had to quickly tell him I couldn't talk because the deputy minister of the treasury department of Canada was interviewing me...

Today, right before we were going to make our second (revised based on feedback) two minute pitches/speeches, I went to the bathroom and realized I had gotten my period. I was running late and thought about ignoring it - uh, thank god I got some sense buried in my brain, so I ran to my locker, got some emergency tampons out and went to class. This should be one of our persuasion principles - never try to persaude someone while giving a speech with a blood stain on your pants.

JOURNAL
I've also been loving the persuasive practice exercises - the job interview was helpful. I got really lucky and was paired with an astute interviewer who gave me a lot of feedback, but what I noticed off the bat was that I seemed to forget all about our principles and just reverted back to what feels comfortable. Just like yesterday during our group exercise around the infrastructure versus education debate when everyone in our group seemed pretty defensive. I guess that's something Gary said the first day, that this stuff just takes practice before it becomes part of our being in roles where we tend to revert back to our body's mold that is in our comfort zone.

It was great to talk about the presidential address today - though we have done other real life examples, it was helpful to analyze something so in the moment. In some ways, it helped me realize - again - how much these persuasion principles come up all of the time - not that we are going to give presidential addresses or just analyze presidential speeches yet it was amazing how obvious these principles are, as you pointed out the first day, but even someone as powerful as a president, is not using them.

Need to analyze further in journal: the carter racing case study/writing exercise - great to be able to work on it immediately/redid speech - did soso - hard to get excited again with same audience....

Wed in Persuasion

Got out of class early today - at 4.30 - I was so excited to come home and see the kiddies on the earlier side. I was so bummed when I called home with the good news and found out that Chris and the kids were stuck at a doctor's appt from hell across town. It's always strange the 2 or 3 times that I've actually been at home without the kidlets. I got so much done! Mostly folded laundry, packed the kids clothes (so sad they're leaving for KC tomorrow) and cooked dinner - a rarity on my part.

Chris is sitting three feet away from me right now writing in his blog.

"We don't talk to each other - we just blog," I say.

He chuckles....

I like that our roles are reversed now that he thanks me for doing the laundry. I can only imagine a world where other dads tell Chris, "You're lucky to have a wife that pitches in to do the housework."

Another wacky class today....

FOR CLASS JOURNAL
I find the nonverbal communication research astounding. I see the glass both as half full and half empty - the possibility of becoming more self-aware and conscious of body language and shifting those first impressions. At the same time, depressing that people's judgements are so snap - however unconcious, especially in terms of race and gender.

I was glad we had that discussion today about gender - I think it was good that we started it with our own personal situations, but I think it would be helpful to take it a step further - and look at woman leaders (or at least one) in the same depth and detail that we have male leaders.

Maybe next year - our pitches in class can be videotaped! to evaluate our own body language and also others' - I loved seeing those clips with the sound off, though I spent most of the class fidgeting in my seat trying not to cross my arms or put my head onto my hand...

I was in the group that was dissected today because of gender/interruption issues. Although I often speak up in class about it, I was trying to listen and understand my "audience" - the class - and kept my mouth shut. While I found the discourse helpful - especially the comment about women being treated as property in one country - I reflected about the dynamics that did take place in our group. Just as it was raised in class for some reasons when we got out of the controlled situation of a 2 minute pitch or a 5 minute presentation - where there is noone else able to speak - it seemed as if all of us had forgotten most of the principles we have been practicing and incorporating. What I noticed in our group - clearly a lot of interruption - which, in essence, is not listening - but also a lot of defensiveness. So I wonder how to incorporate these principles in situations where, I guess, we are not self-aware - when we are so much, as Betsy aptly put it - looking to the outside and not the inside. I was very reactive - funny in some ways, because I didn't even believe the argument I was making - I just wanted to "win" - as you pointed out, as a debate, versus persuasion.

I also have been having a tough time persuading, or at least expressing, my viewpoints that seem so incredibly foreign to my group-mates - that I don't even believe in the capitalist structures that were implied in both sides of the debate - so the whole framing of the debate made me feel like I/we were talking in such random directions - I'm picturing young kids having a squirt gun fight with not really trying very hard to "hit" the other person but just spraying continually because it's fun and it's hot outside - but in this case, for me, it wasn't very fun, because I was frustrated at not being able to challenge the assumptions about how my groupmates framed the debate - and their assumptions that of course I would think that Cuba was a horrible system. I'm wondering how this plays a part in persuassion - certainly knowing thy audience, but I guess I should get back to my yoga teaching principles of being present - with my breath and body and then go from there to evaluate what the status is - I'm wondering if there are many a situations that you just decide - it's not worth trying to persuade on a personal level - just like the larger political analysis you laid out.

day something - tues persuasion class

Emotional Intelligence - I was both fascinated and repulsed by the readings. The discussion helped, though. Why repulsed? I brought up this issue in class, but I still can't get over it. Emotional control seems very gender, race and class based. I hate to just throw out those words that make it difficult to digest or even "unpack" but I am really wondering if anyone has done research on this. The psychologist I referred to in class today got her Ph.D. at Harvard and has been doing media research - she has some great things to say about shows like Jerry Springer -which are diss'ed by a lot of folks but that attract, she claims, more working class and African-American sensibilities because they honor (my word) revealing full emotions. I guess it's all about agora. I think I'm having a knee jerk reaction to the K school experience, which has mostly white, male faculty - and, therefore, case studies that reflect that. I would like to see less business-oriented readings since my work is in the non-profit sector - yes, there is a lot of crossover, but why not a case from the perspective of a union, rather than a ceo?

But I do feel like I am becoming the broken record at school and in this class about these issues - though it was fun in class today to get a chuckle out of folks when I raised the issue of one presenter's similarity/likeness principle when he was addressing congress and he talked about being a businessman - and since congress is a bunch of rich, white men that they could relate - I do like the general open-ness in class to these various viewpoints, but I wish I weren't so isolated - this point was found funny - probably b/c I didn't "know my audience" very well in delivering it - but there's an element of it that is not so funny. When we learn these principles, do we end up shaping our message too much (sacrificing) to make it salient - I love the two circle principle. It's really helped our group - but if the people in power have just a small slice of that circle in agreement with the vast majority of citizens - what type of pie do we really have?

It was fascinating in our group discussion/preparation today. We had a long discussion on the logos question - two guys in our group were very logos focused - and couldn't get beyond the numbers and focus on them - there was a little openness toward the end, and I was won over to keeping some of the logos in our presentation, but I felt like I was in some type of persuasion class catch 22 - trying to use statistics to convince the logos guys that we needed more pathos. I like to think I have a balanced approach - the syzgy effect - but I'm sure I have weaknesses in some areas. And I found myself arguing a bit too much and not listening enough to the logos guys' concerns....

So back to my utter fascination with EQ - how do we teach kids to have this? Example? Curriculum? Parental instruction? There is a constant debate at the preschool where I send my son a lot of elite highly educated parents - who insist on more academics at this young age. The teachers insist on teaching social skills - I think this term is very similar to EQ. How do other educational programs address EQ - i.e. other cultures, areas of the country, etc.

Small anecdote. I was trying to get my son into his carseat yesterday. He likes to play in the drivers' seat. I thought outloud and said, "Liam, I could use my power to put you in, I could negotiate or I could persuade you to get into your seat. Which would you prefer?" He exclaimed, "Mommy, don't take away my legos!"

Go Away, You're Stupid

Help - we need to send Liam back to Berkeley Re-Education camp. He is starting to use words like these - he doesn't know what they mean - sometimes he says them when he wants to get our attention - sometimes when he's upset - mostly the "Go Away" - it's driving us crazy. We've tried ignoring, consequencing (the pc term for punishing), and (literally) going away, which he hates.

Today, in one of our break-out sessions in class, we met in a cushy classroom - plus, comfortable seats, adequate computer amenities and great lighting and temperature control. This compared to the third class seating in the room we are sitting in for 8 days straight - uh, then I learn this new room is part of the K school's business executive program - oh, I see, so rich folks who pay $5k/week get better seats then we do. Go away, you're stupid!

2nd Monday of Persuasion ends with the Hospital

I'm just walking out of my very intellectually stimulating Persuassion class at Harvard, where we spent the last half hour watching television commercials - when I see that I missed a call from Chris. I check my voicemail. He had left an urgent message that he was at the Harvard urgent care with Kalian because she had gashed her eye. Right outside my classroom, where everyone was congregating and waiting for our group study time, I screamed, "Oh, my God" and literally ran past everyone, down the stairs and out into the still somewhat balmy Boston early evening air - I ran as fast as I could through Harvard Square to the Medical Center, which is just about 5 blocks away. I was gasping for air by the time I got to the waiting area.

Well, Kalian did have a huge gash and bruising around her eye, but fortunately, the eye itself seemed OK. I breasfed her and then she seemed happy as a clam trying to walk down all sorts of hallways. Liam was climbing all over the place and it was a struggle to reign them in. Chris was understandably exhausted - he said he had already spent 15 minutes at Target earlier that day trying to extricate Kalian from a shopping cart, and she had hurt her eye by falling off of our bed and hitting her head on our side table. She and Liam were jumping on the bed at the time. A very kind doctor took us upstairs to an exam room, and Liam asked all kinds of questions.

"What's that?"

"A stethoscope"

"I have a stethoscope"

"You do?"

"Why are you a doctor?

"Well, um...hmmm...that's a good question - because of the Sandanistas and their Revolution."

Wow - piqued my interest but Liam wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

Kalian got the go ahead to continue to terrorize our lives and we came home. Had a nice evening with Liam after putting Kalian to bed. Fortunately, she's still easy as pie - although instead of just dumping her in her crib. I actually have to read a few books now to her before just putting her in her crib. 10 minute bedtime routine instead of 3, but I actually enjoy that time with her. Liam and I played with his new set of clay he got for his birthday and then off to bed for the ultimate book on labor and negotiation - Click, Clack Moo - Cows and Chickens who go on strike until their demand for electric blankets are met.

Speaking of labor....

CLASS JOURNAL
Wow - I had heard so much about Nixon's checkers speech but had never seen it before. It was so brilliant - almost makes me want to like the fascist bastard. I can't believe it was the first televised political speech - current politicians could learn a lot from it, but I'm trying to think how to condense it down to the 10 seconds a politician would have these days. That's why it was so great to have to keep our pitches down to 2 minutes last week.

What struck me the most about his speech was so counter-intuitive - not just retrospectively to see him so clever and deprecating (at least on the surface - he was actually in a more attack mode without making it seem so). But he just admitted just about everything under the sun. He somehow pulled off disclosing everything without coming off as at all guilty-looking - and it is all about perceptions - he also was able to make the audience incredibly active at the end (despite his fears to the contrary). I was expecting more of a Frank Borman presentation from Nixon after growing up with my first political awareness with Watergate.

As someone who used to videotape public officials for statements such as these, I was so shocked at Borman's demeanor. I doubt back then the video was a direct satellite uplink - most workers probably saw it taped, which meant Borman had ample time to listen to the (hopefully) directors/producers/aides to encourage him to be more likeable and not sound so threatening - so I wonder with this message if his top team/staff didn't understand or help him prep - and how other people aside from the so-called great leaders can support carrying out the persuasion principles - i guess likeability might be a little more difficult to be coach(though not impossible). This begs another question I have - how can we get support from our colleagues, co-workers, family members to carry out these principles on a daily basis - this mutual support could probably go a long way in learning to be more persuasive.

The credibility principle was paramount with Borman. Our group had an intense discussion on how to increase his credibility, especially in terms of who should present his talk. One person in our group argued that Borman plus other high level management people should speak and present the empirical facts of how too much money was being spent on labor. Hmmm (And during our discussion after the presentations, another student said that probably a lot of the employees weren't working very hard). Our group also discussed having Jane Do/Joe Schmoe average worker up with Borman. However, I said that this would actually reduce credibility - workers up there would be seen as scabs/sell-outs and the union would see this as a ploy. This whole issue of saliency related to credibility was very profound in all of the presentations. There is a lot I have to learn at the Kennedy school and in life, in general, but it was frightening how little people knew (except for one other person in our class from another country) about labor unions - and what would probably fly with them and what wouldn't (no pun intended. But I really struggled with a point someone else made in our discussion about how Machiavelli's point about loss - and when you're "liberal" or "lavish" with, in his estimation, paying workers too much, they will have a much harder time accepting a paycut - b/c they were paid too much. Again, this discussion was really difficult for me - that people felt like employees were being paid too much money (versus Borman raiding the company by buying airplanes from his industry buddies). I know this class isn't about discussing the merits of unionization, but it was a lesson in how to know if we know if we're being salient - especially in a situation like this - it's one thing if statistical studies have a controlled environment - but if you don't do polls after a speech, how do you know how effective it is, given other factors. Will your staff and you, who don't really understand labor issues, just think you did ok (or true with other constituents). It's why we need more diversity at the K School...

Rats

Tonight, Liam asked me where Daddy went.

"To the drug store," I said.

"Why?"

"To buy mouse traps."

"Why?"

"To catch some mice in our apartment."

"Why?"

"Because the mice have been pooping in our kitchen and it's not very healthy."

"They need to poop in the potty."

"Yes, just like you're learning to do."

"What are you going to do when you catch the rats?"

"Take them outside where they can live more happily."

(Liar mama-the traps we got will kill them)

Later, after a fourth bonus book as I was putting Liam to bed, he insisted on getting up and talking to Daddy, who had come home with the mouse traps. He continued the line of questioning with Chris, trying to understand so many new concepts. He kept referring to the mice as rats. At Heart of a Child preschool in Berkely, they have two very sweet friendly rats named George and Martha, so Chris tried to make a comparison that some rats liked living indoors and some were happier outdoors.

"So when we catch them, can I take them back to Heart of a Child."

Gulp - empathetic glance between Chris and me. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

Liam will be looking for those mice for the rest of his life...

96 degrees in the sha-e-ade

For some reason, that's one of my favorite regae line - "Real hot, oh, yeah, in the shade." That's how it feels today - January 6 in Boston. I'm sweating after just wearing a t-shirt and walking over to the library. The feeling in the air definitely has that heavy humidity - heavy both because of the heat and also it's finals week. Just walked into Lamont library, and there's an energy here that seems more stressed than usual. Hmm...maybe it's just me. Oh, how I just want to hang out - outside, but back to task. Another schizo day - just had a "successful" as more than one parent put it - birthday party for liam. We went to a bowling alley. It was pretty cool and mellow, actually. Liam had a good time, which was the most important aspect of the event, and it was nice to connect with more of the Blue Room parents - something I rarely get to do.

I'm also so glad Chris suggested we ask people not to give gifts. The result was just a few gifts, anyway, and it was nice for him to open a few gifts but not the gaggle of presents in light of the craziness already with the holidays - though we managed to keep it pretty low-key on the consumer front this year.

Yesterday, I had an interesting experience in my persuasion class - we all did these two minute speeches. One of the people in my group, Jsh - did a great talk on why people who talk too much in classes should be banned from speaking at all. It was a great tongue and cheek rap. Afterwards, I was telling him how much I liked his speech - and him vice versa - that he had voted for me (I just need a little glory right now) - anyway, he is such a cool, chill guy with longish red hair that I certainly made assumptions about him. While we were talking I realized he was in the military. Upon further probing, he always wanted to be and really loves it. It was kind of a mind bender. He just seemed energetically like the kind of guy I could talk real politics with - and, in fact, he and another army dude (whose wife takes her daughter to the same music together class as Chris takes Kalian) were great listeners and eager questioners to my life as a filmmaker, especially in the Philippines - why is there such a divide politically? Why do really nice guys like these have to be responsible for such unjust wars - and they really, honestly, don't get it. I didn't even try to persuade them otherwise, heh heh, not sure of the value in a situation like that - not that I held back my views - of course, Jsh thought his hair was so incredibly long, but I nicely reminded him that my husband's was twice as long - and then reported the Liam ponytail story - which they thought was hilarious. What's up with all of this? Maybe I could probe them further - but I've been around military guys long enough that they think they're just doing their job to protect the country - but you'd think K school students would be willing to engage in policy just a tad, eh?

Day Four of Persuasion

Chris and I are staying up late getting ready for Liam's birthday party tomorrow - party favors (narcissus planting projects), food (quesadillas) and overall running around like crazy.

i'm tired and don't feel like working on this, but i have to spend this week-end writing a memo and finishing my paper for kathy's class....

FOR CLASS JOURNAL
I wonder if I am any more persuasive after four intensive days of this class. Certainly, it will take a long time, but I certainly find myself having better luck coaxing my son into brushing his teeth and getting ready for bed a little more effectively.

It was great to do interactive exercises today and put our principles into action. It was interesting in our study group to see one brilliant person, highly trained in economics, unconvinced about using anything but logos - in fact, he didn't even seem conscious of his just sticking to the facts, mamn. Interesting, though, because in our group, I thought one person did a great job throughout our discussion breaking down the concepts clearly - using examples and facts, and I thought s/he would be a great spokesperson. I was suprised when one person suggested another member of our group who told a fabulous story to be our spokesperson. S/he turned out to be amazing, but I definitely had my own logos misgivings on going with someone who just seemed more of a storyteller. In the end s/he was the right person. The point of this story is that I can see and understand the logos/pathos/ethos combination in theory, but when it came to choosing someone to present, my immediate reaction was to go with someone who appeared stronger in the logos side. Theory and practice.

And on the praxis front, it was really great crafting my pitch and honing it. I tend to be longwinded and take awhile to get to my point, so it was great to be forced to make a presentation in two minutes. I was apprehensive and nervous, though, doing my pitch, so it was heartwarming to get positive feedback, though I had to pry to get some more constructive feedback - not surprisingly, to stay within the two minute mark. I found that I wasn't that nervous once I launched into my talk. I realized what helped. By opening with a counter-intuitive and surpising hook - I clearly caught folks' attention - and that positive energy from the audience helped carry me through on that upbeat momentum. My story halfway through also helped ride this wave - it's fun trying out these techniques, and it was also great having such a supportive group of folks. It also helped to practice a bunch of times, especially since I was working with new material (hmmm...interesting choice of term - like a stand up comedian)

I look forward to our discussions about Lorenzo. Knowing some union members at the time, it's interesting to analyze the "other side. I look forward to discussion the balance of persuassion versus action - a lot of workers seemed to despise him not so much for his arrogant attitude and likeability, but because he raided the company and then was surprised when there was not enough infrastructure and corporate integrity to weather the exogenous changes.

Day Three - Persuasion Class

I felt so bad this morning that we just all didn't get it together early enough for me to take Liam to preschool. It's so hard seeing the kids at night just enough to eat dinner, baths and put them to bed. I definitely can not sustain this in the long run. I've had a few parenting thoughts. One is that Liam has been struggling on his own timeline to dress himself, among other things. We give him lots of praise (I know, some folks don't think praise is so great - I've found that having a kid with some delays makes this issue slightly different, but I still wonder...) - anyway, for doing things "himself" - which is good he's able to do this stuff, but it seems so individualistic - I wonder if he's digesting the praise for the specific task or for just doing things himself, rather than collectively/working together, which I'd much rather teach him.

I also feel like with the rush of the morning and night that I'm not giving him enough time to just be a four year old and go at his own pace - this is nothing earth shattering, but what I realized today as he was watching the water go down the drain after his bath - is that I can so rarely take advantage of all of those teaching and creative moments - either that he can figure out himself or, more importantly, that I can help him with.

Today's class was even more challenging, in some ways. It's feeling a lot like it should have just been a workshop. At least we did small group exercises today - one 0n one persuassive talks - I guess I should have realized this class was going to be like a business training - but I'm much more interested in the research and less in the application. Today in one of our one-on-one talks, I was supposed to do a rap with Vktr, from Kzkstn. We were supposed to talk about our proudest moment. What came to mind immediately was birthing my children. I later thought, maybe it "should" have been my doc or something, but it was fun to connect with her in that way. She has an 18 year old son and when he was 4 years old she had to leave to go to Moscow to make enough money and had to leave her son with her parents. She was clearly sad then and now to be away from her son - it made me want to cherish this time with the kids so much - before they turn into resentful teenagers.

Well, now I'm back - had to do some one-on-one - one of the kids woke up the other screaming - took a 1/2 hour to calm both of them down...

JOURNAL FOR CLASS - Day 3
Watching and discussing 12 angry men reminded me of my first video I worked on when I started working for NC state gov't making videos - it was a jury training video - needless to say, it said nothing about persuasion. Even more interesting, I can't remember what it really talked about except we shot Charles Kuralt as the spokesperson. If we had made it 50 years earlier, Henry Fonda could have been our spokesperson...

I do wonder about the audience question. While he did have 12 angry men as his audience, they were all different - I'm still a little stumped on the framing of the message when an audience is diverse. Not that having an all white male jury is that diverse, but the nuances of their background characteristics did stand out in the movie. To get back to the health care debate (again), the insurance industry was so effective because they had just one audience to appeal to- middle class white voters. Do we get "in trouble" when we have mutliple audiences? Did Henry Fonda just cherry pick one at a time down the list?

Group Think - This reminds me of Chomsky's manufacturing of consent. Or of that Penn professor's analysis of the long-term media effects (rather than the short term issue of a kid seeing something violent on TV and then committing a violent act) - that the violence we see in the media causes us to be more fearful that it does to be violent ourselves. At any rate, with all of the classism, sexim, commercialism, racism, ism....ism....etc in the mass media and other mediated information - I wonder if it takes more than one meeting or speech to counteract all of this - I guess this is where the "repetition principle" comes in, but I think this is where I struggle with the larger political issues rather than individual "persuaders" in analyzing group think - i.e. wmd's in iraq - a huge chunk of americans still think they exist - just having the info out there that they don't hasn't changed people's minds - does that mean they have to change their whole outlook on what patriotism/bush, the system, etc. means? I know this is getting into the audience more than the persuader, but maybe that's what I need to examine if I'm interested in larger public audiences.

As I reflect on the public service announcements, training videos, and documentaries I have made, I fortunately had some great mentors who taught me about the audience principle, but I find quicker/less edited pieces (one night versus one year) like my one-on-one pitch today - was much harder - in all of the amalgamation I was mechanically attempting today, that was something I didn't put enough stock into during my rap. I realize now that I need to start that process before doing anything else, rather than trying to stuff my logos into a box (of course, every night, I stuff my son's legos into a box...)

Persuasion Class Day Two

I spent the day studying Aristotle, watching and analyzing the film classic "12 angry men," and learning new greek words of Rhetoric.

I spent my break looking for 4 year old birthday party favors, my walk home buying birthday candles and my time after class making muffins for preschool tomorrow.

I'm a double agent and noone knows it. Wow, I just skimmed the journal I wrote yesterday for class and it was a big bag of wind. Bluch. This is going to be challenging because I find that this is the first class that has that narrow washington political view that drove me crazy as an undergrad public policy major. Two dramatic moments in class, though. One was where a student from South Africa berated the professor for not using enough international examples. GO got somewhat defensive at first and actually, I think, somewhat justifiably questioned the student's comments that he has no desire to learn anything about American politics. Uh, he basically asked, then why are you here? But perhaps the K school advertises itself as more international in scope. The prof eventually got out of his defensive mode and there were a little bit of humble pie - but not a lot. It is a tough question. The issue really is that there should be more real "people's" public policy schools all over the world. The second funny thing was when a German student (love that stereotypical German straightforwardness) questioned the prof about all of the namedropping he had done the day before (being friends/advisor to Clinton, Gore, etc.) when it was salient, and, apparently in German culture, is taboo.

JOURNAL FOR CLASS
I was probably most struck by a the Gardner quote that "Narratives are the most powerful currency of persuasion." I'm studying this issue now with low-wage workers at Harvard in their efforts to build their union, and this is exactly what I'm finding in my research.

In the targeting strategies in persuasion, I was very struck by the "no effort" decision in using persuasion capital in the "uncommitted and uninvolved." While it was presented as a short-term/immediate strategy, I am confused because I thought persuasion is done through repetition and takes time - like Lincoln taking 4 years on the slavery question. Yes, it does take education, but it also takes "knowing thy audience" with this group - specifically, I am referring to the general example of the Democrats strategy, or lack thereof, with the vast majority of non-voters - marginalized groups - people of color, working class, working poor, etc. Rather than putting out efforts to organize folks who are so quickly written off, I wonder if they just see them as unapproachable b/c the Dems have moved so far to the right that they would have to re-examine their platform and message in order to truly reach out (which sounds patronizing) to the disenfranchised, which I don't always think is by choice. So, no wonder the Insurance Industry of America, during the health care debate, targetted the middle class and not the poor or elderly, per se - that is the vast majority of voters. The democrats have had an opportunity to do grassroots organizing/strategies, much like the Republicans have done in the past (which much success) and have, instead, when it comes down to the wire, have gone toward TV ads.

As an example, when I was living in North Carolina, Harvey Gant, a black Charlote mayor, was challenging incumbent Jesse Helms. Initially, the demcratic party said that they would put organizers in every 100 NC counties to get out the vote. Instead, they backed out of this plan and defaulted to the quick and easy TV ad campaign. At the last minute, Helms pulled out all of the stops and aired that nasty racist TV ad about black people taking white folks' jobs. (just like the simple, effective messages of the powerful of Harry and Louise). When you are just targetting middle class folks, persuasion is much more simple than building coalitions, especially inclusive of the poor and people of color. When the latter happens, how do you follow the persuasion principles when speaking to a national audience. Perhaps this is why everyone targets middle class voters and ignores the poor - long and short term strategies are necessary, and if it weren't for Howard Dean focusing on the unwinnable states, I would say noone in the Democratic party is open to this concept (though Dean has is own limitations).

Overall, I'm finding it a lot easier to analyze the nuances of the persuasion principles, especially how race, class and gender fits in, rather than do much self-reflection.

So what about me?

I also found the self-analysis around likeability very compelling. I used this technique immediately after class by talking to my mom, and it seemed to make both of us happier (not being judgemental, listening to her, etc., validating her suggestions). When I encounter friends and colleagues, and they ask me how I'm doing I almost always say something bad that's happening in my life - maybe I just want sympathy, but my usual comment now is usually one of the following: Ok, but I was up late working on a paper and Kalian woke me up at 5 am again or the last few days when folks asked me how my break was I said something like, "not so great - had to work on papers over the holidays and then i got sick last week." Yes, all of this is true, but it is a pattern, and I'm wondering if I wasn't so focused on myself and listened more to other folks that I could open more doors, so to speak, in persuasion and other ways to enhance my personal and political relationships. My other tendancy, probably related to this, is to relate back everything in a conversation back to me or my experiences - oh, and to interrupt. Well, there you go again, that's the negative....

"Hi, I'm so excited to be in this class today. How was your break?"

"Uh, huh, and how did that feel for you?"

"How are you feeling about your class?"

"Really? That sounds exciting. Take care, see you later."

Stay tuned for my then opening the door to persuade everyone to come babysit my kids....

Persuassion: The-Science-and-Art-of-Effective-Influence

For this intensive, 9 day class I'm taking, I have to keep a daily journal, so what a great excuse to write in my blog every day. It's a fascinating class, though I've never had such a struggle staying awake as I did the post-lunch session. It was painful trying to stay awake. I tried everything, squirming, pinching myself, and taking more notes, but at least I didn't fall asleep and start snoring, like someone behind me. And after spending most of the break with the kids, it was back to letting down during class. Oh, well, at least that kept me awake.

But, alas, here's the official journal that I'll have to turn in at the end of class and turn into a paper.

Day One:
I'm definitely in the right class. With my interest in news media representation, or mis-representation of the poor and working class, along with the digital divide, especially in the realm of Web 2.0, the content and framing of these mediated messages fascinate me. Also, after making documentary films and public service annoncements, the principles in class today have definitely forced me to reflect on my past production work. In crafting The Golf War - a story of land, golf and revolution in the Philippines - we definitely thought foremost of our audience - an American audience that might not have high literacy skills, using the creative treatement of Tiger Woods to attract a broader audience, and tireless editing to hone our message - I definitely have the logos tendancy. Having focus groups really helped with that. For my PSAs - we had two audiences - the general public, as well as the master control operators who had to choose to even air our announcements, which generally aired by (at the time long ago) mostly cable and other operators who had a few seconds of unpaid air time - usually at odd hours. We often talked with our public service clients that they needed to know what they wanted people to see, hear, feel, say or do once they watched it, but I don't think we were conscious, except in our general production experience of having a simple message.

However, two other points particularly strike me. One is the connection between labor/community organizing and the salient principle. In college in the late 1980s, and then in my early work in rural African American communities in North Carolina, we were constantly talking about and putting into practice the organizing principle of "starting where people are at," espoused by Saul Alinsky and other even more rooted and radical organizers. Today, Gary talked about doing an ethnographic study of great university faculty and ministers/faith leaders - I wonder if he's considered analyzing organizers - the whole point is to persuade people to become active. This rooting ourselves was key in my experience. One amazing activist from the black liberation army days, talked a lot about spending time in working class communities - a colleague and I always used to joke about the example given sometimes - join a bowling league. Though we put this philosophy to serious task - I worked in a service job for three years as we were trying to organize grocery store workers, and we frequently worked with the local black churches. This point of church involvement is related to the question in class today about the disconnect between agnostic environmentalists and how to recruit evangelical environmentalists - is it unethical to talk the talk about the god's role in this mutual work. My sense is that it's a coalition work - we would work with church leaders - usually black women - who then, themselves, did the speak-outs in churches about work conditions. It felt very organic and natural, which I think was a term that Gary used today.

The second point is in childrearing. In class, we talked about the three P's - power, pnegotiation and persuasion - I think I tend to use too much power and negotiation and not enough persuassion. It will be interesting to use this class as an offshoot to hopefully be a better parent - Gary talked about this struggle with his own son, but he was much older than my tots. I wonder if/how the principles change when the kids are so much younger. Along with age, I wonder how gender or class plays a part in these principles. We talked about culture but am wondering if stratification within one culture is a feature of the co-efficient formula.

I also wonder how propaganda is part of the ethical/manipulative aspect of the principles. In my analysis of the persuassion principles, I keep floating back and forth between personal relationships - which tend to be family - and more group/regional/national/international persuassions - which is where I think the propaganda element is key. I'm not yet sure what my question is around this theme, but it is percolating, as is the role of the form of the persuassion - which, I guess, in theory shouldn't matter since the principles are universal, but I wonder with the digital age, and the digital divide, in particular, as well as Web 2.0, what all of this means. Is propaganda even more possible with digital technology - or less, without a primary means for delivery - how is consistency affected by all of these outlets? How is my message, that follows most of the principles, dilluted by the power of money? As Gary said, even with the limitations, it's better to use the principles, but how can I evaluate this in light of "freedom of speech is for those who owns the presses" - is it "the power of persuassion is for those who have the power of the media"

Starting off the new year with...

even more work! I tried so hard to finish that paper before my intensive class starts tomorrow. I will be in class from 9am til 6pm every day for two weeks. I look in the mirror holding Kalian - the only time I seem to have time to look in the mirror - and I swear I have aged 10 years this semester. My fantasy is that during the two weeks of break that I will do a healthy cleanse/fast, do yoga every day and take care of myself. Ok, everyone, hold me to it! The only good thing about having mastitis is that it got me into see a doctor, who was able to give me a referral for acpuncture - at least my tuition is going toward something good.

On that tuition note. Massive frustrato-rama-mama over the holidays. We have so many papers due - we, in terms of I'm sure other students do -- and there just weren't enough libraries open. I just can't sit at a cafe all day and actually get any work done. Very frustrated today trying to work at 1369, so I called Chris, who fortunately, had gone to the gym while my parents watched the kids (yahoo for grandparents), and he drove me to another cafe that I thought would be less crowded. No luck. Totally packed. Impossible to work at home with the kids - even when I can sneak into the bedroom to do a little work - no wireless Internet access in there, for some reason.

So is this blog just an outlet for me to complain? It feels that way. Even though I've jettisoned my xn upbringing, one thing I did learn was that at the end of the day in your prayers it's good to do four things. Hmmm...let's see if I can remember any of them - the one I'm thinking of is to be thankful for what you have - I'm sure asking for stuff is in there, as well as imploring forgiveness from the great big white haired mangod, and oh, something else as well. Not bad advice, really, if you take out the Godstuff. I like substituting Mother Nature lately, pagan that I am. Anyway, usually on New Year's, I try to take stock of my life and have some type of "goals" - I don't like the word resolution, for some reason.

So, I am thankful for my amazing husband who is so supportive, my adorable kids who keep me grounded in what's important - my friends in the Bay Area that I desperately miss, my parents who are always there for me and who are so sweet together, my sisters who are so great at staying connected with me on a heart level, my long-time friends in North Carolina, NY (hi RW), and all over the world....and my yoga practice that is barely noticeable but still grounding. I'm thankful for my body (it's so hard not to write caveats here) and overall health. I'm thankful for the people who inspire me politically. Most importantly, I'm thankful for Comedy Central from 11pm-midnight.

In the new year, I hope to meditate more, be more present with my kids (and Chris), not rush them or me as much, have more sex with Chris (and/or myself), continue to stay involved politically and to connect more with friends - hmmm...as I reflect, it's all about the pagan/feminist theology that I feel so aligned with - seeing goddess in relationship - and honoring that, among other verbs.