Friday, June 22, 2007

superior? genetics

The Harvard Alumni Association invites you to join us for a special Ivy Plus Young Alumni Mixer sponsored by Alumni Relations at: Brown * Columbia * Cornell * Dartmouth * Harvard * MIT * Penn * Princeton * Stanford * Yale

Ok, this is just too funny - I'm on the Harvard alumni e-mail and got this invite for a mixer in San Francisco. I'm tempted to go and bring my two kids in two. But I guess most folks are looking for that perfect ivy league genetic match...

Thursday, June 21, 2007

we are our bags

yes, it took me over a week to figure out what to carry when i went out. for the past year, i carried a backpack. during the winter (most of the year in cambridge), i put my wallet, cell phone and keys into the pockets of my long down coat jacket and slung my backpack/laptop on my back. now, it's back to diaper bag - or is it? do i carry a purse? a bag? finally, i combined both into a small bag. why am i blogging about this? we all carry our "work" around with us - for some, it's a calculator or durkheim, for others, a pull-up and wipes.

mommying is tiring

phew - i LOVE being able to spend time with the kids this summer - and we are finally settling into our home (though that may change), but the kids are old enough that they can run in and out of the backyard on their own, and I can do projects here and there while taking breaks playing with them ( or is it the other way around), but it is soooo exhausting. my old mommy injuries are creeping back up, and it is mentally and physically so much harder being a mom than being at harvard!

but i feel so lucky having this insta-community to fit back into - it feels like i'm putting on a well-loved glove, just sliding back into so many amazing people's lives - everyone has been so open and generous. i know both chris and i appreciate our community here so much. without it i think mentally i'd have a tough time.

although when a good friend e-mailed me about getting together at a park recently i had a pang of fear of that mommyhood depression of spending way too much time at parks - i was just so bored and uninspired being a full-time mom, but this time, however stressful it is moving and juggling all of the logistics we have going on, it feels so much better as part of a larger life plan for me, rather than "my life is over" dread i had when i got pregnant with kalian.

and i was feeling guilty the other night actually watching tv for two hours - why was i "wasting" time - and then it hit me, i just spent the last year staying up til the wee hours every night studying and hanging out with the kids during any "free" time - and then that insane graduation/moving/family week that no wonder my body is telling me to chill out and let go a bit - yes, i should be reading up on sociology lit or coordinating liam's classes, etc., but honestly this feels like a vacation, however much a working vacation.

Friday, June 15, 2007

go kalian

ok, I just had one of the scariest mothering experiences - we just went over to our house for the first time. I took the kids there. It was really nice to see our big yard with fruit on our trees for the first time! We had lunch in the back yard and then we came back for Kalian's nap - I've been persistent about her napping at the same time every day and it's really been working. Anyway, I let the kids play in the front seat for awhile. I then strapped Liam in his seat, shut the door and walked around to strap Kalian in. The door was locked and my keys were inside!!!

Because of the key confusion of moving, the car keys were not attached to the house keys, which I had kept out instead of the car keys. Liam was strapped in already, and it was really hot in the car. Should I smash the door open, call 911?, AAA? I then decided to walk around to Kalian's side of the door and tell her (ok, scream through the window) to get in the front seat. She did it. Then I asked her to open the door. She first just locked them again, but then unlocked them and I immediately opened the door.

Way to go smart two year old!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

graduation week

I'm writing this after the fact, so a lot of this will be random memories of one of the most chaotic weeks in my life - family visits, 70th b'day, graduation, packing, moving - uh, I guess it's stressful no matter how you slice it.

On Monday, there was a rained out graduation "picnic" inside the forum - our program director walked up to me in the middle of it and said, "Is this child friendly enough for you?" Hmmm...inhale, exhale.

Thus, began Chris' life of carting people around in a mini-van all week. When our subaru took off for the Bay Area by a 67-year old Canadian who wanted to see the U.S., we knew we needed to rent a car, so I suggested to Chris to ask about renting a mini-van. When he arrived, he was lucky to get an 8-seater - rare. The whole week felt like one big hosting and coordinating nightmare. By Wednesday night, after showing up at the place Kathy was staying to drop the kids off with my parents so Chris and I could go to our final party for a few hours, Kathy's host said that our kids couldn't stay at their place b/c she had put rat poison around the house. Huh? Inhale. Exhale. I walked to the K school to start the party, so to speak, while Chris had to cart my parents and kids back to our apartment and then walk back. Nonetheless, it felt so great to be at the party without anyone to worry about. I even stopped at the drug store for some videotapes and make-up on the way to the party (more on that later). Oh, how indulgent, to go to shopping. Anyway, we had a blast at the party - at least I did, dancing to 80s music - woohoo for the older generation- no more MPP hip hop.



Graduation itself was so incredibly long but uberfun. We had to be at the K school at 7am for photos. I dropped my parents off at a gate into Harvard yard so they could wait in line - at 6.45 am - tickets to graduation are very hard to come by and seats are even tougher. They were troopers for sticking it out. When I arrived at school, I jumped up to bleachers at the forum with my 200 plus classmates for a group photo - of course, it took forever to arrange everyone and to allow all of the stragglers - at one point - Kristi - one of my favorite classmates - she has that energetic sixth sense and love like Punyavati and Stacey - looked at me and said, "Who's that froo froo glam girl?" Yes, I had done my hair up (actually wore it down - I usually had it up) and was wearing make-up - but I gave her a friendly finger. Hmmm... I hope she wasn't offended. After the photo, we gathered outside. I had stayed up and made about 50 anti-war stickers to go on these inflatable globes we were given (i.e. brains not bombs, will work for justice, etc.). I had e-mailed a few progressive friends but received little response. It was fun going up to the military guys - who know me and my politics - and asking them in a cheeky way if they wanted them. However, they were taken up like hotcakes. I actually ran out. We then marched into the yard together being led by bagpipes.

It was just so great to honor and celebrate ourselves, our friendships and our accomplishments - with all of Harvard grads - about 10,000 I think, including undergrads and all of the graduate schools. I got to sit next to Pamela and Mark - two good buds, so it was quite fun to make fun of the event while still enjoying it. Afterwards, we marched back to the K school where we sat down again (after an excrucating long honorary degrees to 10 people - and I was furious that Larry Sommers was given one!) and each of the 600 graduates received diplomas.

Afterwards, I finally found my family, ate our expensive box meals - it was kind of typical that after the K school footing the bill for so much that their last farewell is on us. We then made our way back home - after a sad good-bye to Ken, Tara and Ben. We skipped the Bill Gates talk - it just felt so 90s! I'm feeling kind of grumpy about the money thing. I don't know why - I think it's because noone organized or paid for a graduation dinner for me - I ended up ordering and paying for over-priced Thai take-out for everyone.

I was happy but exhausted from the sheer insanity of the day and week. Ah, but I couldn't relax - we had to get up the next morning and organize the kids so that Chris and I could pack while Kathy's amazing three older boys cleaned up our flat. And thus, the drama of where our kids would go that day, along with herding all of the other cats. What an insane day. The following day we had to fly back to Oakland. We decided that our goal was primarily to get our apartment cleaned, so we decided that our kids' happiness was the most important thing to accomplish this - Kalian LOVES (loved - sniffle) co-op and Lisa could take her afterwards, so to the chagrin of my family, we took Kalian to co-op and Liam went with the brood to the Children's museum. They had a blast - although when they returned my sis and mom kept repeating that they had no "problems" with Liam. I kept getting them to elaborate, so I can only guess that it is more of the same that they are saying that I am exaggerating Liam's developmental problems. Sigh.

We got a lot done - packing up boxes - and Kathy's kids were amazing at cleaning fridges, toilets and the like, so we agreed to take a break and go out to dinner with my family - ah, my official graduation dinner at last with my family - we went to Friendly's! One step above McDonald's - barely, but Chris has fond memories of it, and I knew it would be kid friendly, so we ventured out, though it created yet another family drama for half of the gang to take a taxi - god forbid. I guess you just have to be in the taxi mindframe to realize that it sometime can save a lot of hassle and even money, but it was a big deal, unfortunately - and funny, that someone would actually take a taxi to a tacky chain restaurant. The other bummer, that while we had so much mroe to do at our flat, the service was incredibly slow - it took about three hours to get out of there. So after fattening food and ice cream, we finally took off - Chris dropped me off at our flat to get going while he went to our friend's house to get the kids and my parents settled. I didn't hear my phone ring, but finally saw Chris at our place much later than expected - staying at our friends didn't work out (mostly safety issues during their reconstruction) - so everyone ended up at the Holiday Inn.

Chris and I worked furiously to finish up. He brought up all of this furniture that had fallen apart while we were staying at the apartment - and he started to hammer it together at 1.30 in the morning. Needless to say our sweet neighbors were not pleased, but by 2am, we were ready to head back to the hotel. While we pulled into the parking lot, we got a call from my dad. "When are you coming back?" Fortunately, it was in 2 minutes, for when we came into the room, both of our kids were screaming and crying in fear, not knowing where they were and not feeling very comforted by anyone but their parents.

After a big mistake of letting Kalian suck on me all night, we got up for breakfast and then on to more running around - errands, dropping library books off, me off at the co-op for my diploma framing (my family told me it was free - it was $140 - oh, well, I'd never do it again), having lunch with Kathy and the kids - whoohoo - veggie planet, and then I gave my nieces/nephews money to buy Harvard propaganda - I haven't bought them any gifts in years - I'm a lame-o aunt of 11. I paid my nephews and then we said our good-byes - Kalian was horrified to be saying good-bye to Gloria. Then back to the flat - fortunately with Joshua - to pack up everything to get on the plane. Not only did Josh help us at the airport, but he fixed a table that Liam accidently broke at the last minute.

After all of that, a late night cross country flight with two kids seemed like a piece of cake.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

whirlwind

My sister arrived yesterday with her six kids. We attended a farewell "picnic" (it was raining so it was indoors) at the K-School. It was utter chaos - pretty fun but tough to choose who to spend time with. Friends from K School whom I won't see for who knows when if ever or my sister and her kids who I haven't seen for two years. Just before did a quick pickup of cap/gown, picked up grad tickets and did a few other errands. Inhale. Exhale.



Then after Chris ended up bus-ing the gang all day back and forth (airport/k-school, etc. - thank god for a 8passenger minivan rental!) - he went to pick up my parents at the airport. Phew, it's tiring just writing about it all.



Today, Chris and my parents took Liam to his last day of preschool, and I dropped Kalian off at co-op and then picked up my sis/kids to give them a tour of Harvard while I also returned books, etc. around campus. It was fun - had a great photo of all 10 of us reading a book standing in front of the library - though I could only take 4 people into the main library at a time. Then Chris rushed to pick up Kalian and I walked with the gang over to Liam's school - hung out, took photos and witnessed the most amazing thing from my amazing son. Admist the chaos for Liam - ending school, moving, cousins/grandparents staying with us - their class passed around a walking stick to talk about anything they wanted - good-byes, summer plans, whatever - every other kid said a quick and quiet "good-bye", save one kid who said, "I'm going to Greece this summer." But when it was Liam's turn, he boldly stated, "My cousins are here, and I'm really going to miss Katherine." (a classmate that he really connected with) - it was so sweet and awesome that he could speak out like that - unfortunately, later he grabbed the talking stick from his teacher, but eventually rolled it back to her, and put his hands over his ears when one of the asst. teachers spoke. Oh, well, I was still very teary with Liam's remarks. Then, unfortunately, had to quickly say good-bye to way-cool moms like Julie and Sarah, among others. It was so chaotic, trying to take all of Liam's belongings, say good-byes and try to help Liam process the good-byes, as well.



Then, off to Darwin's for a chaotic lunch before walking back. I so desperately just wanted to nap but knew I had to try to get Kalian down for a nap - failed miserably, so Gloria (Kathy's daughter - 11 years old - whom Kalian has totally bonded with - along with Katie - 8?) had the great idea of taking her for a walk in the stroller to nap her - desperate for any nap from her, we headed out with my dad to pick up a cake and ice cream to celebrate my mom's 70th birthday - yep, in the midst of all of the chaos, I got it into my head to plan an elaborate birthday celebration. The best part of the day was coming home and having Gloria give me an amazing foot rub. Then, we headed over to Redbones for the birthday dinner. Kathy (sis) suggested a nice Talbot tradition of going around and talking about what we loved about my mom - it was sweet - of course, Kalian had thrown a fit when I took the T with Kathy and the girls to the restaurant (we can't all fit in the van), so she was miserable most of the time, and Liam, bless his heart, kept saying, "I'm impatient" as he waited for dinner. When it was his turn, he made a gun out of his hands and went "pow pow pow." Ah, feel the love. All in all, though, it was a nice dinner.



We then had a really nice walk back from Harvard Square back to our house - the weather is finally cooperating - although it was suggested to me that maybe Liam becomes so articulate and loses his stuttering when he's sick because I'm home with him (!!!) and I was asked during an elaborate decade by decade location/place gift for my mom that I had concocted to stop breastfeeding Kalian for the sake of "the boys." I stood my ground over the morality of breastfeeding - yes, I like that word - it is a moral act, so they left the room. Oh, well, their loss. My mom loved her gifts. Unfortunately, Liam was having such a tough time that he wanted to open up all of mom's gifts, and I felt terrible that I wasn't "disciplining" Liam enough but he really was just so out of wack with all of the transitions. Tough to know when to draw the line in times like that - he really needs love rather than wacks. (metaphorically speaking). Funny, she was also so defensive about homeschooling - I totally support it, but I guess they get diss'ed all of the time. Why does there have to be such a divide....she said that some people are just not able to do it. Is it really ability? that just sounds so condescending to me. I like what she said about socialization is the reason she does homeschool - and in fact, I don't think L's socialization probs can be solved by just throwing him in school, but the reality for anyone who has their kid in a formal program, that it just isn't that black and white. Why do people need to be so judgemental? I fear the judgement about Liam's behaviior tonight and fantasize retorting, at least I don't beat my kids into submission...

Monday, June 04, 2007

I'm straight

In a matter of speaking - I somehow pulled off straight A's this semester. Yahoo! Yes, a 40 year old mother of two can get a 4.0 at Harvard!

Escape to the Cape

After taking advantage of the kids being in preschool/co-op on Tues/Wed so Chris and I could get some serious packing and other misc. stuff done, we headed to Cape Cod on Thursday. Like all of our trips this year - they have been last minute, spontaneous adventures. We called inns on the way. Unfortunately, we couldn't find an appropriate place in Wellfleet, where we wanted to stay, so we ended up in Provincetown. I was not up for such a touristy place, but even though it was early June, it was still pre-season, so the full-on gay night club scene was not yet in full swing yet, so it was pretty mellow. We stayed at a gay-owned inn that was supposed to be child-friendly - I was psyched ahead of time for diversity's sake, but it turned out to be an overly cleanly and uptight place in which I feared any move by the kids would invoke the tsking and wrath of one of the owners. Oh, well.

We had fun on the pier, the beach, a ridiculously long hot hike (Chris had to hitchhike back to get our car, er, minivan - we rented it after sending our car out west with some random Canadian dude via Craigslist) and then Saturday headed to Wellfleet for a mellow beach morning and lovely lunch on the bay before heading to the Marconi national park for another hike - fortunately, Liam walked it this time and then we wanted to find a nice town on our way back to have dinner and stroll around before throwing the kids in the van at bedtime. We kept missing various towns in my guidebook until I quickly read about a one town that seemed quaint, but right before we arrived (and Kalian was screaming to get out) I re-read the description and realized the tongue-in-cheek description of an only too quaint town, Chatham, that was the preppiest place I'd seen in years - my cowgirl hat was literally looked down upon with disdain. Oh well, it was an interesting anthropological experience. After yummy pizza and the kids' first ice cream outing ever, we headed back "home" - wherever that is.